Finding Christ in the Struggle

As she contemplated the surgery that her daughter was about to endure, Beth wondered how this could possibly be the right answer. How was breaking her child's legs, in essence crippling her, the way to help her walk?

She had prayed about it for months. It was not the first and would not be the last challenge that her child and family would face, but this one was hitting her harder than any of the previous trials.

Born at 26 weeks gestation, her daughter had endured a grade III intraventricular brain bleed which resulted in cerebral palsy. As part of her cp, Suzy's legs were permanently twisted. The surgery she was to undergo was designed to straighten them.Until now, her mobility was limited to moving with the aid of a walker. Through the results of this surgery, doctors felt she would be capable of walking on her own. This was a big step towards independence, which was her parents desire and prayer for Suzy.

But why God, Beth implored, did the method of treatment have to be so cruel and extreme? Beth was afraid. And so was her child.

Have you ever been faced with a situation like this? Knowing that you are trying to do what's best for your child, but also knowing that there will be extreme discomfort and possibly even pain involved? Has this left you wondering where Christ is in your struggle?

Leaning on and trusting God had become a way of life for Beth from the time she was a child. Thankfully, her daughter's journey had made her even stronger in her faith. So she leaned on God for comfort with scripture. 

Philippians 4:6-7:

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; ⁷ and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

 

The surgery was considered a success by the doctors, but it was only the beginning of the trial. After Suzy recovered for six weeks in casts, more challenges arose. The ease of learning to walk was not what they had expected. Physical therapy was intensely painful for Suzy. Knowing her daughter's high tolerance for pain, this brought Beth to her knees. After several visits at a rehab facility, Beth decided to call on their in-home physical therapist.
Hiding in her bathroom, out of the sight of her daughter and the therapist, Beth cried to God as she listened to her daughter scream in pain. Thankfully, after this visit, Suzy's therapy became more bearable. Following seven months of fear and anxiety, Beth was finally able to see a light at the end of the tunnel as Suzy made tremendous strides in her ability to walk. 

How can we find Christ in our struggles so He can sustain us and give us strength? Is it even possible to find God in the midst of such pain?

Throughout the trials of her daughter's surgery, Beth looked to God for her strength and comfort. Although she experienced fear in the process, she also found hope. As Suzy turned a corner and she was able to see the success of this horrible ordeal, she found this verse that gave her clarity.

John 9:3b, NIV:

“Neither this man (child) nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him (her).”

 

Over time, Beth began to see Christ in the circumstances surrounding their family and this medical ordeal. Friends brought meals, gifts for her daughter, and spent time visiting. A wheelchair ramp was built by the men of their church. Thoughtful cards were received. Their family was ministered to in ways that she had never expected. These were the hands and feet of Christ.

Three years later, Beth celebrates as her daughter walks independently down the aisle of the church for choir performances. Watching, the congregation also cheers on this child who has endured so much. God has truly been glorified as they witness this miraculous transformation.

Though the challenges of their child's journey continue, this family is thankful that they also continue to find Jesus Christ. They see it in the healing that He has done in their daughter and through the comfort and clarity of His Word. And they find it in the love that He gives them through friends and loved ones who support them.

As parents of special needs children, we are often left wondering how we will make it through our circumstances. Admittedly, it is not easy. We find ourselves in the valley again and again. It is important to remember that the ways Christ presents himself may be unexpected- relationships, meals, wheelchair ramps, gifts. But even in our pain, we must look and expect to see Him. We must recall His promises to us. Through our struggles, my prayer is that we can always find His redeeming grace, remembering the blessing that He is with us always and forever, until the ends of the earth.

"Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

Matthew 28:20 

Sticks and Stones

We've all heard the old adage, "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words can never hurt me." I'm willing to bet that you heard it either from your mom or from a teacher the first time another child said something mean to you and hurt your feelings.

Sadly, the truth of the matter is that this old saying just ain't true. Words do hurt and, if repeated again and again, over time they can cripple us.



Before the "sticks and stones saying", God inspired Paul and others to write a very different message. 

Ephesians 4:29
"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."
And Jesus said in the book of Matthew 15:10-11
"And he called the people to him and said to them, “Hear and understand: it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person.”

Recently I was contacted by a friend. She had just read something I had written and the words brought back a flood of memories for her. These were painful memories of being shamed and ridiculed, told that she was "stupid" and "bad". These words were spoken to her when she was just a little girl, but here she was, at the age of 40, still crying about them. Reliving the pain of how those words did indeed "break her bones" by profoundly breaking her spirit. A recent Christian song also shares how significant spoken words can affect our lives. I've shared the song below.

Thankfully, God's love can heal the pain we receive from others words. And, as the song describes, we can use words of love to lift people instead of hurting them. In my friend's message I learned that God is slowly healing her pain. Over time and through developing a loving relationship with Him, reading His word, and allowing Him to comfort and nurture her, she continues to heal. But it is a long and hard process that she wouldn't wish on anyone.

She also shared with me that because of her experiences she is VERY, VERY careful about the words she speaks to others. To her children, she is a mother who relishes in praising them. And to friends, she is the one who always has the kind word and the encouragement that we all need to hear. God has taught her the importance of words and she is following His lead in order to heal her own heart and in order to make sure others don't have to suffer through her same experiences.

Reading her words was eye-opening to me. Her hurt and pain are real. They are a tangible reminder for me to stop and think before speaking. They also reminded me that, for the most part, children's emotions and feelings are the same. Our children with life challenges are just like other children. Although they may look or act a little bit differently (or may not!), they experience emotions, pain, and joy just like anyone else does. Some may not always understand sarcasm or wit, but some may understand it just fine. Some may not read social cues or understand lofty vocabulary. But some may understand and read these situations perfectly. The truth is, it doesn't matter what we perceive that they understand. The way we treat them should not differ from the way we should treat anyone else. Although they may be different on some levels, like all of us, they have the same capacity to feel hurt, shame and fear.
Therefore, our words should always uplift, and never condemn, ridicule or shame. Yes, sometimes children need discipline, ALL children. Yes, sometimes they need redirection. And sometimes they need punishment. But the words we use when we take these actions should always come from love and should be used to teach, not tear down.


We need to teach our children this lesson too. Children are often the cruelest perpetrators. Why, I'm not sure. Have they not been taught compassion or empathy? Are they modeling behavior they have seen in others? Or are they simply in need of being educated? Probably all of the above. And as parents, it's our job to make sure we do teach them compassion and truth, modeling the behavior that Christ modeled for us.


Words CAN break our bones by breaking our hearts and our spirits. They can break our lives if we replay them in our heads like a broken record. Let your words make someone's day, not break someone's heart. Be that unexpected gift and blessing to others, sharing God's love for ALL the little children (and big children) of the world!



I will leave you with some of the many, many Bible verses that share this message of using our words wisely and as  life-affirming for others.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.
Proverbs 18:21

There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Proverbs 12:18

I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak.
Matthew 12:36

Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.
Proverbs 16:24

Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.
Proverbs 13:3

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.
Psalm 19:14

Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.
Proverbs 29:20

The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.
Luke 6:45

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.
Colossians 3:16

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.
1 Thessalonians 5:11

Join Me in a Journey

Over the past thirteen years I have had the honor and joy to be a mom to my children and to truly appreciate what each of them brings into my life and into the lives of others. One special joy has been seeing how God has used my daughter, Sara Ashley. She has opened my eyes to the world around me and has shown me how to accept the challenges that life hands each of us with a smile and a positive attitude. As many of you know, Sara Ashley has dyslexia and ADHD. She was diagnosed when she was only five and because of this early knowledge we have been able to utilize many services to help her strive to reach her full potential. God continues to show me that this potential is limitless. Through God’s work in Sara Ashley, she has made me a better person.

I believe that many people struggle with fear and despair when they see their children or loved ones suffering, struggling or facing daunting challenges. I know that each of us often needs encouragement from our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ to try to understand the challenges in our lives.

For that reason, and with the encouragement of my husband and friends, I am in the beginning phases of writing a book that will give glimpses into the unexpected gifts that we receive from these special children or people in our lives. People who have been dealt harsh challenges to their physical, mental or emotional health, but who have taught us that life is about far more than what the world perceives as their limitations.

The purpose of this blog is to chronicle the journey of writing this book and the stories of the people God is placing in my path along the way. Already, I have found many, many kindred souls who, like me, are living with children who face life challenges. And they are hungry and eager to share their stories of hope. All will agree that while the journey certainly has heart ache and pain, joy does come in the morning. That each of our special children brings us blessings in ways that we never expected.

My prayer is also that, through sharing, God’s blessings and gifts will be magnified and He will receive all the glory.

I look forward to sharing this journey with each of you.

Love in Christ,

Christi Estes

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

Fear

We all have it, right? In some form or another every one of us has fear. Fear of heights, fear of public speaking, fear of failure... the list could go on and on.... Fear can be a healthy thing when we use it the right way, but if we let it control us we are not living the life that God intends for us. 

Hebrews, Chapter 13 verses 5 & 6 say:
For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." So we may boldly say: "The LORD is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?" 


Sounds good in theory, right? But putting it into action is another thing altogether...

For as long as I can remember, fear has been a part of my life. In my teenage years I suffered from a bout of depression based on my fear of leaving home. I had to come back from college for a year to beat that one. Then a year into my marriage I had another round with fear. This time it was physically debilitating. Anxiety consumed me and I was unable face normal everyday activities for weeks. Thankfully, a loving family and husband helped me through that time. And after several years of cognitive therapy I really thought I had it all figured out. Feed the fear and it will starve you, starve the fear and you will live. But, in truth, I still lived in fear. I handled it much more gracefully, I didn't have panic attacks anymore and nobody else would have ever suspected it, but I still had fear.

These fears that I had would not sound irrational to most people. Fear of disappointing others, fear of not doing everything perfectly, fear that I wasn't who people thought I was, fear for my children, just plain old fear. They were ordinary, everyday kinds of fears, but they kept me from living the life God desired for me. And even though I functioned quite normally, fear was robbing me of my dreams and of the joy in which God meant for me to live.

 

Thankfully, about three years ago, God began to calm my fears. At a Christian retreat I learned about God's all-consuming love for me. I know, I know, I'd heard it a million times. But I had never fully experienced it or connected my head knowledge with my heart. And finally I did! It was at this time that I allowed God to start helping me work through my fears and I began living my life with intention.

I can't say that I'm always successful at it, but I try my best to make choices every day that are not based on avoiding the things that scare me or make me uncomfortable. After all, God uses those things to help us grow! Instead, I try to base my decisions on the most important things that God lays on my heart. And that's where this journey comes in to play.

Five years ago, I would never have had the courage to take this journey. And boy would I have missed a lot of wonderful blessings! From the people I'm meeting, to their stories of hope with their wonderful children. Fear would have prevented it all! I also recognize that my experiences with children and families who face life challenges have increased my courage. To see how they bravely face their circumstances and to see how God is faithful to their needs is an inspiration to me. This strengthens my faith in Him and with strengthening of faith, comes lessening of fear. 


Maybe God is calling you on a journey of your own. Will you answer His call? Don't let fear keep you from following Him. Remember, when you are walking with God in obedience fear goes out the window and courage and faith take its place. 
I promise that you will surely be blessed. But more importantly, you will also be a blessing!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:13



Meet Brooks!

Meet Brooks! He is an active first grader who loves to read, sing and perform. As Brooks' mom, Jennifer, tells it, "I am absolutely amazed by his zest for life! It is so fun being Brooks' Mom. It's almost like he realizes deep inside of him somewhere just how fragile life is and, therefore, relishes every minute of it."

Brooks Leebern


Brooks was born 15 weeks prematurely. Due to his early arrival, he is legally blind, has mild cerebral palsy and growth issues. But these challenges do little to slow him down. His curiosity of the world recently led him to request a telescope so that he could see the moon for the first time.

"How many of us, me included, don't stop to think about what a treasure it is just to be able to gaze at the moon on any given night? He had a joyful fit when he saw it!" Jennifer shares. "Brooks has taught me to find the beauty in all things, big or small, and to never take life for granted."



Brooks has also played a pivotal role in his Mom's relationship with Christ, illuminating her path back to Him. And with this strengthened faith, she looks to God to carry her through the struggles she encounters when Brooks faces challenges, knowing that she can lean on Him.
Although his vision is clouded with darkness, for Brooks' friends and family,  he is a shining light of God's love. And Jennifer feels strongly that God has given her family this special child with the duty of glorifying Him. She desires to share her son's story with others, including what God has done through him to change her own life and faith journey. She shares with the hope that it will help them as they face their own personal trials and darkness.   

Finding gratefulness in their situation is the key that has given their family a transformed perspective. This perspective helps them through their journey with their son. "Always look for the silver lining. Always recognize the good things that our children are and that they do. Don't focus on what they can't do," she imparts. "And always be their advocate and let them know every day that they are special and perfect in your eyes!"

Lord, thank you for Brooks. His life is a light unto Your path and a gift from You. The joy in his life, despite his trials and challenges, is Your blessing to him and his family. We praise You for him!


Read more about Brooks in "Unexpected Gifts."

"Boomer"- The Heart of a Small Town

This week the small town that I live in lost it's "original son," Danny "Boomer" Bishop.



From as early as I can remember, Boomer was a constant fixture in Newnan, Georgia. Walking the streets, visiting the small businesses and speaking to everyone, Boomer didn't know a stranger and didn't have an enemy. His love and friendliness for all was only rivalled by his knowlege of sports statistics. Although simple in mind, Boomer's knowledge of sports was astonishing, a true gift from God. I believe his favorite sports teams were the Braves and Georgia Tech, and somehow he always managed to find a way to make it to many of their games. 

The love of our community for Boomer was overwhelming, evidenced by the care they took of him. Giving him rides, taking him to sports games, buying him a meal and, in the end, taking him to the doctor and visiting him in hospice. Our love for Boomer is a direct result of his love for us and our community. In his life he touched more people than he could ever know simply by ALWAYS being a kind and friendly person, calling us by name and engaging in conversation. As my father said, "Boomer is everyone's friend...Boomer loves everybody."





We were all blessed to know Boomer. This extraordinary and simple man who lived a simple life was so much more. He was an unexpected gift to us and the heart of a community.

Georgia Special Needs Scholarship

This January 31st I had the unique opportunity to deliver a speech on the stairs of the Georgia State Capitol. This was an exciting yet terrifying experience as I faced a crowd of 2000 plus parents, kids and educators all there celebrating National School Choice Week.

Despite the crowds, I felt an overwhelming sense of God's presence. He was with me that day to calm my fears and help me deliver helpful words to many who are looking for educational solutions for their children.



Specifically, I spoke about the Georgia Special Needs
Scholarship. Since many reading this blog have your own special kids, I want to make sure you know about this innovative law that give students with disabilities more educational choices.

The Georgia Special Needs Scholarship was passed in the Georgia legislature five years ago, exactly when we were looking for a school choice for Sara Ashley. It is no surprise to me that God blessed us in that way! Under the Georgia Special Needs Scholarship, parents may choose to send their child with diagnosed disabilities (and with an IEP) to another public or charter school within their county or to a participating private school in the state that will best serve their child's needs.



Most importantly for many, the law provides those who choose private school financial help to offset tuition. The average award per student is $5,917.00 per year (public schools in Georgia spend on average $7,976.00 per year per student).

Our son, a gifted learner, thrives in the public school system and we are very grateful for the education he receives. My husband and I are also products of public school and we support them fully. But we have found that one size does not fit all. With the large volume of students in our public schools it is nearly impossible for even the best teachers to maximize each student's potential. Therefore, we choose to utilize the GSNS in order to send our daughter to The Bedford School, a school for children with learning disabilities. Instead of sending her to a school that was not able to meet her needs (despite everyone's best efforts) we send her to a school that has teachers trained specifically to help children with learning differences.  This school has the latest techniques and technology to help these kids learn their best. The Georgia Special Needs Scholarship has played an integral part in our ability to send Sara Ashley to her school and she is thriving.



As I shared in the speech I had the honor of giving on behalf of my daughter: 

This is what a child's life can be like when they receive the educational options that they need.

This is what parents can expect when they exercise choice and find the school that best meets their child's needs. We can send our kids to a school that serves their strengths and weaknesses, helps them reach their full potential, prepares them to be successful and productive citizens, and encourages them to help others along the way as they have been helped.

Why would we choose anything less for our
children?

For more information about the Georgia Special Needs Scholarship go to http://www.doe.k12.ga.us/External-Affairs-and-Policy/Policy/Pages/Special-Needs-Scholarship-Program.aspx.

Where Do You Find Your Pleasure?

There once was a girl who sought all of her pleasure and fulfillment in her accomplishments. From the earliest times she could remember she was always seeking approval. At the tender age of 7 she got up early one morning to scrub the floors like "Cinderella" hoping to gain her parent's praise, only to be told not to scrub too hard lest she would scrub the pattern off the linoleum. She was crushed, but not beaten. She continued on this path through her school days seeking to gain accolades from her academics and dance teachers and anywhere else she could find it. And she was often successful. She was a gifted learner and dancer earning lead roles in recitals and awards for her scholarly success. How did she feel, you ask? She felt good at the moment of success, but that soon faded and then the striving started all over again.

Approval was like a drug to her. She sought it out wherever she could find it. Working to please, striving to gain. But, strangely, with each new achievement, her confidence did not grow. It simply sought more and more praise. Finally, the fear set in. That it would never be enough. There would never be enough praise, enough worldly gain to satisfy her need for approval. And life took on a hazy cast that caused disappointment, depression, anxiety, and loneliness. There has to be more, she thought.  But what?

If you haven't figured it out yet, that girl is me. And I know that I am not alone in this story. Sadly, many of us readily fall into this trap. The world tells us that the more we accomplish and the more we gain, the happier we will be. Well, I'm here to tell you, it's a lie. No amount of fame, fortune, glory or money will ever completely fulfill you.

Have you ever heard the expression "God shaped void"? This is what I had- a God shaped void in my spirit that could never be filled with worldly gain. Praise didn't fill it. Awards were not the right shape. And money left the void empty too. Only God could fill that void.

Paul tells us in Philippians 3:7-9
"Whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him..."

Slowly, through the journey of my life, God began to fill my void. He did it gently and with love. Easing me into a new life, helping me overcome my fears and filling my void with His presence. He showed me that I am loved just for who I am, not for what I do or what I accomplish. He allowed me to rest my body and my mind. He lovingly cradled me like a child and allowed me to rest in Him. He also opened my eyes to the important things. Not the trophies, the big salary, the second home and the praises of man. These things feel good at the time, but there is no lasting peace or pleasure in them. He showed me that only through Him and His Son, Jesus Christ, could I find true fulfillment.

It is so easy for me to backslide in this crazy world of ours. But daily, if I am in tune with Him, He continues to show me the farce of seeking worldly praise. His love is unconditional, not based on worldly ways. This need for receiving accolades by man is hard work. We humans are very fickle creatures! Man's love is conditional and selfish.

One of the main ways He has shown me the lie of seeking worldy gain and approval is through my special child and other special children around me. Though many of these kids aren't listed on their school honor roll, aren't the fastest runners or the kids who receive the most awards, they are each winners in God's eyes. No one can tell me that my daughter's best efforts in reading don't mean as much just because she doesn't score at a high-ranking reading level or that the loving hug from a Ds child is any less meaningful than winning a state-championship. These acts and accomplishments, though not often recognized by an award, are just as meaningful to God as the biggest prize known to man. And if they are done in obedience to God or in honor of Him, they are more meaningful than any worldly accomplishment.



God puts life into perspective for us one day at a time. Will we be open to receiving His direction? Seeking to be the "least of these" instead of the first in line? Will we realize that striving for worldly success is NOT what life is all about? Only if we do this will we be able to fill that God-shaped void, allowing Him to bless us with the unexpected but promised gift of His all-consuming love.

Paying it Forward

Throughout our journey with Sara Ashley and her life challenges we have learned a pretty good bit about what is involved in making sure she gets what she needs to help her maximize her potential. Sometimes it has been through trial and error and sometimes through thorough research. It has also always been through prayer. Needless to say, we've learned a lot! And I am always thankful for those who have shared their knowledge with us to help us through. 

As I have begun sharing our experiences, I often get phone calls, emails and messages from other parents and friends detailing a situation with their own child and asking me for my advice. First, let me say that it is an honor and joy for me to be able to share with them and to listen to their story. You see, I love it when God connects people. And though I may not always have an answer, I believe a listening ear goes a long, long way. I have certainly been blessed by others who have listened to me in my times of worry and fear. Secondly, it gives me an opportunity to share my faith and how I see that God blesses us with our children. Despite, and through, the life challenges that are present, God blesses.

I also believe that it is my responsibility as a Christian to be there for others in their times of trouble.
Scripture tells us that God uses our trials to help us comfort others. This gives me such purpose and peace.

2 Corinthians 1:4 New Living Translation
He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.

What a wonderful blessing He has shared with us through this scripture! When we go to God with our troubles, He comforts us. Through this comfort that we receive from Him, we are then able to comfort others when they are troubled.
The modern day concept of "Pay it forward" is actually over 2000 years old! And people say the Bible is dead?!? 

So what does this mean for us on a daily basis? First, it means that we MUST GO TO GOD WITH OUR TROUBLES! How can we expect His comfort, if we are not conversing and spending time with Him? Yes, he knows all of our trials, even when we don't take them to Him; but if we aren't willing to pray, listen and spend time with Him, how can He comfort us? If we are too busy running around trying to solve everything ourselves (been there, done that!) or if we are too afraid to even acknowledge the problem (ignorance is bliss??), we WILL miss His comforting. And what a shame that would be! This comforting can come in many forms- other people, circumstances, a beautiful sunrise, a special song, or simply a whisper from Him. No matter the form, we will be blessed if we go to Him with our troubles.

Second, God does not want for us to go it alone in our trials. He did not make us to be loners, completely self-sufficient and without need for Him or others (Hebrews 10:24-25). He wants for us to bring our troubles to Him. He also wants for us to support each other, as a body of believers, providing comfort and love.

Throughout life, the lessons that I continue to learn include more of these unexpected gifts of His love.  I receive them through my experiences with my special child, actually through both of my children, and also through challenges that I face in other circumstances. Though the trials may be heartbreaking at times and the answers and reasons unknown, I will continue to take my problems to God. And His word promises me that my surrender will not come back void. I will receive His comfort, allowing Him to show me His blessings through the pain and the joy. And then it will be my turn to comfort others through His love. What a blessing indeed!

Perspective

I am not a morning person. No, REALLY, I'm not (ask my husband!). So one morning a couple of weeks ago, when the cat came traipsing over me with her plaintive "meow" 45 minutes before my alarm was supposed to go off, I was irritated. Angel had not gotten the memo. See, Sara Ashley had been sick the day before and I knew she wasn't going to school that morning so I (gleefully) set my alarm clock for 45 minutes later than I usually get up. But, obviously, I forgot to tell the cat.
As I laid there trying to get in the extra sleep time, Angel continued her march, back and forth over me and my husband, meowing and crying for her breakfast along the way. And I was really, really starting to get mad when I remembered this cartoon:

Instead of getting mad, I began to smile, the corners of my mouth turning up instinctively. And as the mind often does, my thoughts began to wander from one thing to the next when I realized, with awe, that God had given my cat Angel an internal time clock that was better than my digital one. "Wake up!" She cried. "I'm hungry!" So I swung my legs over the side of the bed, grinned and started my day.

Life continually gives us these jarring "wake up" moments. And like my situation that morning, it is up to us to choose how we will react to them. We can choose anger. We can choose grief and fear. We can get lost in these choices and walk around bitter and mad. While it is not wrong to have these emotions, to be consumed with them is also not the way to live our lives. When we are suffering with the weight of life, taking these emotions to God can help us find His comfort and love. This comforting can come through our circumstances or it can come in spite of our circumstances. However we find it, we are blessed by Him.

Taking our pain to God for His love and comfort allows us to reach a level of perspective that we never would have found without Him. This changed perspective has become very clear to me through my continuing journey of life with kids who experience life challenges. God has blessed me by connecting me with some incredible people. One of them is a lady who has a beautiful gift with words. Her name is Karen and her daughter is eight years old and has autism. I haven't had the pleasure of meeting Karen in person yet, but I feel like I know her heart from what she has shared with me on her blog, www.kcouchpoetry.blogspot.com. Please take a moment and visit it when you can.

Karen has given me permission to share one of her poems on this blog. It is called Perspective and it reminds us of God's love and promises for us in our circumstances through His Word. He is present in our trials and our triumphs. He is our comforter and our strength. I know that this poem will resonate with all of you.

Perhaps what you read will capture the way you have been feeling too. Please feel free to share your thoughts. I'd love to hear about how you express yourself when faced with trials. We all have them! Or maybe you have a blessing or thought you want to share, something God has placed on your heart.

I continue to thank God for placing me on this journey. Through these last few weeks I have found such peace and happiness in knowing that there are parents out there who, despite the REAL pain and grief of their circumstances, can truly see His blessings moving in their lives. That these parents want to share, support and encourage one another is a gift from Him.

Karen's poem:

Perspective

I wrote this as a response to this mornings meltdown before school...

autism makes me cry.

The Lord remembers my tears and comforts me.

autism brings a communication barrier to relationship.

The Father shed His own Son's blood so we might have no barrier to relationship with Him.

autism brings language misunderstandings.

The Lord's words bring wisdom, understanding, and clarity.

autism is a challenge within our family.

The Lord uses it to refine our love for one another.

autism wants relationship based on self.

The Lord wants relationship based on His words.

autism is present in our family for a reason.

Only the Lord knows the reasons for allowing a family to struggle. His ways are higher.

autism seems to overshadow so many areas in my life.

The Lord is sovereign over every detail in the universe.

autism is oblivious to social language opinions.

The Lord uses this for uninhibited belief and worship.

autism is not evidence of an imperfectly made person, rather,

the Lord convicts an imperfect person's heart of a sinful response to it. 

autism can make ordinary moments of perfect connection rare, but so joyous!

How much more does the Lord desire to perfectly connect with his own children through His word?

autism amazes me with it's effect on our lives.

The Love that comes from the Jesus Christ affects us indescribably more.

autism still makes me cry.

The Lord keeps on remembering my tears... and comforts me.

Break My Heart

There is a contemporary Christian song out now that strongly resonates with me. Hearing it causes my throat to catch and my eyes to well with tears. Music has always had a way of doing that to me. And it's because God wants me that way, so that He can humble me, use me, teach me, mold me.
The line that gets me every time is, "Break my heart for what breaks Yours." If you haven't heard it, take a listen.

Casting Crowns, "Jesus Friend of Sinners"

As I was researching this song so I could write about it for this post, I found a video by lead singer Mark Hall. In it he explains his meaning behind the lyrics. The words he spoke literally blew me away as I realized how God had used the Holy Spirit to lead me to it. Please listen...

Really??? I didn't know. But God did! Spiritual gifts of adhd and dyslexia!?!? In the past I would have thought this coincidence. But not today. These kind of things keep happening to me and I can't possibly keep thinking it's all just a stroke of luck or happenstance. He is continually sending me where I need to go these days. And this leaves me in awe.

Hearing Mark's story of how God loves and uses him despite  and through the world's view of his perceived imperfections of adhd and dyslexia, of how He can take what the world considers foolish to shame the wise, and of how He chooses the weak things of the world to shame the strong, brought a resounding "YES!!" to my heart; a heart that often breaks for the children who embody these perceived "imperfections."

God's glory is ever present through our "weakness", using it to show the world that His unexpected gifts and blessings abound.

Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are weak to shame those who are strong.
1 Corinthians 1:27

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

Thanks so much for your prayers and messages yesterday! Sara Ashley woke up at 3 am with a fever of 104. We dosed her with ibuprofen and her fever seems to have broken. I'll be calling the doctor back today. This is the 15th day of school my sweet girl has missed this year and I am not happy with it. I'm going to request to have some blood work done so we can make sure there's not more going on than the obvious.

Yesterday I shared with you some of the complexities of dealing with adhd. You also got a glimpse of the pain and frustration I often feel about this disorder. It's real. I have a love/hate relationship with it.

Today, I have been digging in my archives. I came across this devotion that I wrote a few years ago. The timing was good. I needed to read this again to help me realize that it's not all bad. I thank God for His help in giving me a new perspective and I thank my friends and family for their support when I inevitably experience anger and grief.

It's all about choices. Thankfully, with Him, JOY can come in the morning.

Devotional written 2/2011. God was already preparing my heart for this journey...

Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.                                                                 Romans 12:6-8

Sara Ashley 2011

My daughter, a dark haired beauty, has an incredible talent for art, an athletic build for swimming and a heart of gold. She is known for her giving spirit and her sweet nature. She also has the “gifts” of adhd and dyslexia. And ALL of these combined traits make her the wonderful person that she is.

This hasn’t always been so easy for me to profess. And admittedly, I sometimes still have trouble accepting the issues that surround her diagnoses, but, through the grace of God, I have learned to look at the bigger picture and it is mighty big!

During one particularly trying period of time, I begged God to take away her differences and make her “normal”, like most every other child we know. Couldn’t He see that her adhd made it difficult for her to remember things, difficult for her to sit still in her seat and even kept her from being able to concentrate on the daily tasks at hand? Didn’t He know that her dyslexia meant that she had to suffer through endless hours of phonics tutoring, difficulty with reading comprehension and just plain difficulty with reading in general? My mind screamed, “Isn’t this cruel and unusual punishment for a little girl??” My anger would often get the best of me and I would implore for God to “cure” her of these differences that sometimes make life difficult for her.

It was during one of these challenging times that my husband came to me with the words that I needed to hear.

“Honey, all of these things make her who she is. And she is so very special just the way she is.”  A few simple words that made such a tremendous impact on my way of thinking.

The same hyperactivity that makes it difficult for my daughter to sit still in her seat also gives her the energy to endure challenging swim meets. And the same issue that makes it difficult for her to decode words gives her the ability to look at things differently and with a unique and artistic eye.

God has made my daughter wonderfully (Psalm 139:14), His workmanship created her to do good works for Him (Ephesians 2:10). She is not defined by her differences or strengths, rather these combined traits give her the ability to lift, serve and teach others, glorify God and to just be the special person that she is.

May we each remember this about all of our special children!

v  Lord, You are the perfect Creator. Help me to remember the many gifts that you bestow upon each and every one of us. Amen

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

Psalm 139:1-16

Sick

Well, today is day three of poor Sara Ashley being home sick. It started Monday morning with a fever of 101 and today we are still there. She woke up this morning, burning hot, fever of 101.9. This despite the fact that I took her to the doctor on Monday afternoon to get checked for strep throat, flu or any other treatable illness. While I did leave with an antibiotic for a bacterial sinus infection, at this point I think we are looking at something viral that only time will cure.

Whenever SA gets sick, it is always a struggle to figure out what to do about her adhd meds. See, without them, her hyperactivity and impulsiveness make it difficult for her to rest. But with them, unless she is dog sick, the stimulant mediciation also makes it difficult for her to rest. Monday and Tuesday I gave them to her. She always does better with consistency in her medications- prevents rebound, breakdowns, feelings of lack of control on her part- but she did not rest at all either day. So today, I'm going to try and see how she does without them. My hope is that she'll sleep most of the day and be able to re-build the strength that her body needs to fight off this yucky sickness.

Dealing with adhd is not an easy task. Admittedly, Sara Ashley's diagnosis of adhd upset me MUCH more than her diagnosis of dyslexia. There is a stigma related to adhd in our society. It says that these kids are just undisciplined, unruly and that they have a choice about their "bad" behavior. The fact that science has proven that their brains show a physical difference from a "normal, average" brain is often overlooked because of the behavior often associated with the diagnosis. And the medication issues are just heartbreaking to me. I still struggle with giving my child a stimulant everyday. Yes, I DO realize that this medication keeps her from having a healthy appetite. Yes, I DO realize that if the dosage isn't just right she goes into zombie mode. And yes, I DO ALSO realize that if she didn't take it she would be unable to focus on her schoolwork and classroom teaching as she does now (trust me, we've tried) despite the small class setting and specialized teaching that she is receiving at her wonderful school. And I also realize that her hyperactive and impulsive behavior, though not destructive, would be socially unacceptable by many of her peers and the other adults around us.

So here we are, she's sick, I'm tired, and I am praying that God will allow her hyperactive little body to slow down and repair itself. I know that God's got my back in this and that she WILL be fine. I will find strength in Him.
I'm just tired...and a little sad. Say a prayer for my sweet girl if you get a chance.