Push, Practice and Progress

The other afternoon I watched my daughter teach her cousin to glide underwater. Macy is seven and Sara Ashley is almost twelve. They are like sisters. This means the world to me and my sister because they don't have sisters of their own. This closeness as cousins will be their "sister" relationship.

"Teach me how to swim fast under the water like you, Sara Ashley."

Starting at one end of the pool, Sara Ashley disappeared under the water, and propelled herself with her feet, pushing off the wall. She raced forward and popped up with a wide grin on her face.

"See Macy, it's all in the push. Practice that part and you can go fast across the pool," she instructed. 

As I witnessed this lesson, I was reminded of an event that happened earlier that same day. Sara Ashley had a horse back riding lesson. Although she has been with her new instructor for two months and has made steady progress, she is not progressing as fast as some of the other students. 

Sara Ashley's lack of  progress compared to her peers can partially be blamed on the inconsistency of her lessons. Due to vacations, we have not kept a regular lesson schedule. For kids with LDs, consistency is key to successful learning. But as I contemplate the situation and others in our past, I am also realizing that I don't push my daughter as hard as I push my son.

Why? Is it because I am aware of her anxiety? Quite honestly, I think my son has performance anxiety too. Doesn't stop me from expecting a lot from him.

Maybe it's because I don't know what to reasonably expect her to be able to accomplish? After all, this is unchartered territory for me. But hasn't God already shown me that Sara Ashley is capable of more than I can imagine?

For whatever reason, my "push" on her seems to be. . . well, not so pushy. And I'm thinking maybe I'm being too easy on her. Just like her swimming advice to her cousin, maybe with more push and more practice, she could make more progress.

I think the real trick in this scenario is understanding the progress. As a parent of a special needs child, I am coming to understand that there needs to be push, but there also needs to be acceptance of the rate of the progress that might be experienced. My child will need more practice. I've often told Sara Ashley's teachers, "She may not learn as quickly as other students, but it is highly likely that she CAN do it- in time." 

She may not read as fluently, sit as quietly, act as quickly, understand a new concept as readily, or listen as attentively, but she is capable of doing all of these things in her own time and in her own unique way.

Isn't this the way God has blessed each of us? We are unique, each bringing our own gifts to this world.

6 We have different gifts,according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your[a] faith; 7 if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; 8 if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead,[b] do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

Romans 12:6-8 NIV

It is my new resolution to strongly encourage (push) my daughter to persevere. I will give her the opportunity to practice her skills consistently. I will watch as she steadily makes progress in her own time, giving her the chance to grow in her gifts.  And I will love her for being His unique creation, just the way she is.

How do you encourage (push) your special needs child to persevere? 

God's Tapestry

Several year ago I worked with a couple helping them decorate their Williamsburg style home. As an interior designer, I often have the opportunity to learn about many beautiful and historical decorative items and this job was no different. In my search to fill a wall in their sitting room, I found a very large oil painting on canvas. The painting was a pastoral scene and hung unframed. I learned that this piece was called a "tapestry cartoon."

Tapestry cartoons were created as models for a woven tapestry. They were huge full scale paintings and by the mid-17th century were done mostly in oil on canvas. The design of these cartoons was used to produce actual woven tapestries. A transfer process that was quite harmful to the cartoon itself allowed artisans to reproduce the cartoon image onto the tapestry. For that reason, tapestry cartoons are a rare commodity.

Although extremely beautiful, these cartoons are not dimensional. They are flat representations of what will soon be a multidimensional product. Only through the process of destroying the cartoon and weaving multiple threads together in a variety of colors and fibers, can a truly magnificent tapestry be created. 

We can look at our lives as the journey of a tapestry cartoon. 

When I married and thought about having children, I had a very distinct and rigid picture in my mind of what my life and my children would be like. Over-achievers, ballet dancers, football quarter backs, all A students, with impeccable manners, clear skin, straight white teeth and the ability to fly- just kidding, but you get my point! This version of my life is what I now refer to as a "tapestry cartoon." A flat and unrealistic view of what I thought our lives were supposed to be. 

Because when my children came along and brought with them no desire for hair bows, no interest in ballet, found more joy in playing in mud puddles than having tea parties, would rather design computer avatars than play football, and could never remember to say "Yes ma'am," I realized that the joke was on me. Like a cartoon, this life tapestry that I had created in my mind now evoked a humorous and sometimes confused and angry response on my part as I looked at what I thought life would be like versus God's plans for me and my family.

Thankfully, over time, I have realized that God has a beautiful sense of humor and that He knows much better than I do what is really important in life. Through the hands of this Master Weaver, my tapestry cartoon was destroyed. But in His infinite wisdom, I now have a tapestry that is much more intricate, beautiful, interesting, and meaningful than a cartoon imitation. Through His hands of grace, I have children who are developing character, perseverance, and a love of Jesus Christ. They are creative and intelligent. They are multidimensional in every way, from my daughter's ADHD and dyslexia, to her desire to own and operate a farm, and to be an artist and a teacher. From my son's shyness and lack of organizational skills, to his quest to research history, find treasures, experience new and exciting things, and follow his dream of becoming a pilot (maybe he'll fly after all!). The threads God has planned for my children are being continually woven into a tapestry of His divine making.

In my humanness, I could never have orchestrated or imagined this tapestry. If you had described it to me earlier in my life, I might have said I wanted no part of this weaving lesson. But I am slowly learning that only our Creator can take our lives, with our stands of fine silk and rough cord, and weave them into beauty. And although we may not realize the beauty initially, as we stand back and take a look at the bigger picture, changing our focus from the slubs of one thread to the glorious image of thousands of threads woven into a masterpiece designed by Him, we can see the glory of His creation.  

The even lovelier thing is that His weaving skills do not stop with one person and then start with the next. Instead, we are all woven together into a magnificent and colorful tapestry; each connected to the other, allowing us the opportunity to encourage and support one another through this journey we call life. 

We never know how our lives will turn out. Our plans have a way of becoming flat and meaningless when we compare them to the depth and texture of God's plans. We can't begin to understand how what we perceive as tragedy can turn into something meaningful, a true blessing. But God understands. This is the beauty of the Master Weaver and His divine tapestry.

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

Romans 8:28 NLT

Love and Logic



The brain is a mysterious thing. God gave humans a unique brain. Unlike the brains of other living creatures, our brains allow us to use reason and logic, and give us free will. We have dominion over all of the other animals because God granted us a superior brain. (Genesis 1:26)

Logic and reason are powerful tools that we use in our everyday lives. But how we use them is of utmost importance, as I found out about six years ago...

One late summer day when my daughter was six years old my husband called me with some news. The excitement in his voice was undeniable. He shared with me that he had just signed her up for little league football cheerleading. "It will be so fun for her! And she'll look so cute in that cheerleader uniform!" he exclaimed. The eagerness in his voice practically jumped through the phone. "She CAN do this!" he practically yelled.

I was driving at the time and it was all I could do not to pull the car to the side of the road and have a panic attack.

"Cheerleading?!? How in the world do you think she is going to be able to learn all those cheers? Not to mention adding the movements and cute dances to the equation!?!"

My mind inwardly screamed in outrage at the lack of logic and reason that he had exhibited when signing her up for this mistake. I was practically in tears just thinking about how it was all going to play out. Just a year earlier, Sara Ashley had been diagnosed with an expressive language disability. Word-finding and memorization were her biggest weaknesses. Surely this was setting her up for complete failure!

But my husband would not be swayed. "We need to let her give it a try," he insisted. Despite my strong reservations, I conceded.

Cheerleading started in early August. The practices were hot and long. The coach was a former professional cheerleader with little tolerance for the antics of six year old girls. But as the practices progressed and I watched my daughter, I was amazed. Although she did have some trouble remembering the words to the cheers, she learned the routines with ease. She blended seamlessly with the squad and had a great season of cheerleading! My husband was every bit the proud daddy! And, despite my initial reservations, I was a very proud mama too.

The abilities of my daughter in this circumstance defy all logic and reason. The previous school year, she had been unable to learn her complete alphabet and hadn't been able to count past eleven. How was it possible that she was successfully performing cheers and dance routines?

Logic and reason are certainly gifts from God. But, as humans, we are still not capable of fully understanding what God can and will do in our lives if we give Him the chance. If we allow logic and reason to dictate our willingness to follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit, we are not using these gifts the way God intended. And, as my husband taught me, if we use them to limit our potential or the potential of those around us, we are misusing them altogether.

When Joshua walked around Jericho seven times blowing his trumpets in order to overtake the city, was he using logic and reason? When the young and small David declared that he would fight the giant Goliath and even shed the armor provided to him by Saul, what kind of logic was that? When Peter stepped out of the boat to walk on the water towards Jesus, there was no reason or logic involved. These men were not making their decisions based on wordly logic. They were acting in faith and obedience to God and their heart's desire to follow Him.

Recently a friend told me about her five year old son's learning disability. Somehow his brain has associated letters with numbers. If asked what the letter "F" is, he taps his leg six times (as F is the sixth letter in the alphabet) and comes up with the answer "6." The logic of his brain is amazing and interesting to me. He is sure to be magnificently creative! But I am certain that it is very frustrating to his mother at this point. Trying to teach him to read has become a task akin to beating her head against a brick wall. Her aspirations for his future are limited to the abilities that she can currently see. She is not alone. I have heard this from the parents of many LD kids.

Looking back now at my own daughter at the age of five I can totally relate. My hopes for her were also limited and I was very fearful of what her future would hold. When we are faced with a brain that defies the logic and reason that we can understand, it scares us. We long for our children to succeed and to thrive in this world that operates by a strict standard of norms. But as I look at my daughter now, and all that she has overcome, I can speak with authority when I say that we must reach beyond our own comfort of human logic and reason to allow our children the opportunities to reach their full potential. The only way we can do this is to listen to God's promptings and, with His guidance, step out in faith. 

God's will for our lives is to look to Him for direction. His love for us is enough to give us peace in our circumstances, whether they make worldly sense or not. Our decisions should not be based solely on logic and reason, but on our heart's desire to follow Him.

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.
Ephesians 3:20 The Message

The Good News

Reflecting over the last three months, it's hard for me to believe how much has happened. In March, God layed a desire on my heart to somehow help other parents who have children, like my own, who live with life challenges. The "help" He called me to would be in the form of a book. As most of you know, this started the process of writing the book tentatively titled "Unexpected Gifts, God's Blessings for and through Children Facing Life Challenges."

So far, I have interviewed nine families and spoken to countless others, in fact I can't seem to keep up with the people who would like to share their stories with me and for that I apologize. I want to hear all of them! I have also spoken to two groups, written five chapters, have completed a book proposal, have had author business cards printed and am writing endorsement letter requests. I have spoken with two self publishers and am planning to attend an American Christian Writers Association Mentoring workshop in July where I will be mentored by the editor for Wesleyan Publishing and will meet other writers from across the nation. I am excited!! Needless to say, I am also overwhelmed by God's loving and guiding Hands in this process. I certainly know that I am not capable of doing this on my own. I pray that God's blessings are on this book. He knows that parents of kids facing life challenges need love and support, HIS love and support.

A few Saturdays ago I went with friends to hear Babbie Mason and Jessica LaGrone speak at Roswell United Methodist Church. They shared with us their newest bible studies. Babbie spoke about Embraced by God and also used her wonderful musical talent to bring us to our feet in praise. Jessica shared an intriguing study called Namesake, When God Re-Writes Your Story. I enjoyed hearing her talk about Jacob and how God changed his name and his character. Both women were excellent speakers and inspired me further in the writing of my book. They also confirmed the calling that I have received as each quoted bible scripture that has spoken very loudly to me over the last few months. The verses were quoted as their "favorites" and are as follows:

Psalm 139:14
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Ephesians 3:20
Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

These verses speak volumes to me everyday as I encounter parents who share their stories with me. They speak to me about each of our own possibilities to glorify God. They speak to me of the lengths and depths of God's love for us. And they tell me that the path to fulfillment exists only through Him. Despite what others may perceive as our limitations, despite what we may even see as our limitations, God is always able to do more. Remember this as you rise each day to face the world. God is good!

Knocking on the Door

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ⁸ For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
Matthew 7:7-8

These were my daughter's preschool attempts at humor. Not very successful to the average listener, but they did make my heart smile.

However, all was not happy during that period of time. It seemed that everywhere around me, doors were closing in my face and, seemingly, in my daughter's future. That year, as Sara Ashley was completing kindergarten, my husband and I met with her school's special education team for our year-end meeting. This was a dream team of professionals who were working their hardest to meet our child's needs. But there was no denying the test results that stared me in the face that morning. In black and white I read the words:

Does not meet the requirements necessary to be promoted to the first grade.

"Knock knock," Sara Ashley called from the back seat of the car.
"Who's there?" I replied.
"Banana."
"Banana who?"
"Banana robot!" 
She squealed with laughter as I smiled in amused confusion.

These were my daughter's preschool attempts at humor. Not very successful to the average listener (like her older brother), but they did make my heart smile.

However, all was not happy during that period of time. It seemed that everywhere around me, doors were closing in my face and in my daughter's future. That year, as Sara Ashley was completing kindergarten, my husband and I met with her school's special education team for our year-end meeting. This was a dream team of professionals who were working their hardest to meet our child's needs. But there was no denying the tests results that stared me in the face that morning. In black and white I read the words:

Does not meet the requirements necessary to be promoted to the first grade.

All around me, for a period of two or three years, I found doors closing:

Matthew 7:7-8

"Knock knock," Sara Ashley called from the back seat of the car.

"Who's there?" I answered.

"Banana"

"Banana who?"

"Banana robot!"
She squealed with laughter as I smiled in amused confusion.

These were my daughter's preschool attempts at humor. Not very successful to the average listener, but they did make my heart smile.

However, all was not happy during that period of time. It seemed that everywhere around me, doors were closing in my face and, seemingly, in my daughter's future. That year, as Sara Ashley was completing kindergarten, my husband and I met with her school's special education team for our year-end meeting. This was a dream team of professionals who were working their hardest to meet our child's needs. But there was no denying the test results that stared me in the face that morning. In black and white I read the words:

Does not meet the requirements necessary to be promoted to the first grade.

All around me, for a period of two or three years, I found doors closing:

•  At Mommy and me in the library it was too hard for her to sit still and listen- slam!
• Ballet and Tap Lessons found her running around the room to the beat of her own drum- slam!
• Shopping at the local mall left me frantically searching for her as she hid in the clothing turn stiles- slam!
• And now the school that we had counted on to teach her was not able to meet her needs- SLAM!

Denise faced similar challenges with her son who has the condition of Asperger's syndrome. Although the doctors and her son's preschool teachers did not recognize the severity of her son's struggles, she knew something was drastically wrong. So the obsessive research began. Hours and hours of research that took her away from nurturing her young daughter, from keeping up with her other responsibilities, and from being the balanced person that she needed to be. Denise shares a particular closing moment from this period in her past. A family vacation. As she and her husband packed, she remembers with clarity his pleading demand.

"We need you to be part of our family Denise. No books or research about childhood illnesses while we are on our trip!" 
SLAM!

Does God open and close doors in our lives? Were these "slamming doors" God's will?


My answer is a resounding- I'm not sure. I am certainly not a theologian, but here is what I do know:

• Whatever our circumstances, whether we feel persecuted or encouraged, whether we see doors as open or closed, God is with us to comfort and love us. If we seek Him, we will find Him. Matthew 7:7-8, Matthew 28:20

• Whatever our circumstances, whether we feel persecuted or encouraged, whether we see doors as open or closed, God is with us to comfort and love us. If we seek Him, we will find Him. Matthew 7:7-8, Matthew 28:20

• God's purposes cannot be thwarted. If God wants something to happen, it will. If that means pushing us forward in a trajectory that leaves us kicking and screaming in protest, so be it. A better response would be to settle in and watch what He's going to do, knowing that His purposes in our lives are for our good and His glory. Job 42:2, Jeremiah 29:11

• Clarity comes later, faith comes now. Although we may not understand our current situation, we must have faith that God's purposes are greater than our current situation's pain or sorrow. Looking to the Bible can give us this clarity. How often, when we read the account of Jesus dying on the cross, do we stop and wonder why God allowed him to endure such pain? But as we read on, it is made abundantly clear that God's purposes were for our own redemption because of His love for us. And that Jesus sits magnificently on the throne at His right hand, in glory. Remembering His faithfulness to us in the past can give us faith to realize that our current circumstances are only temporary.

Despite my knowledge of these three things, when I find myself in the midst of fear for my child, my human reaction can be quite...well, human. The verse in Matthew 7 makes it sound so simple. "Seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you." I can assure you that during that period of time I was knocking, but it wasn't on God's door. Instead I knocked on other doors during the early years of our struggles. I knocked on the doors of doctors, specialists, teachers, other parents, and professionals who I thought would hold the answers to my daughter's differences. At the time, my logic in this type of seeking was: What could God possibly tell me that these professionals didn't already know? Hadn't He equipped them with knowledge as part of His divine plan? Couldn't I just bypass that personal "seeking" part? What I learned was: While nothing is wrong with seeking the help of experts and professionals, they can never take the place of praying to God for direction first. 

So I tried. Really. really. hard. To find the "answers" to help my daughter. I tried until I was all tried out. I was defeated. Finally, at my wit's end, I sought Him. I prayed.

God, what is your will for my daughter's life?

Although I did not get immediate answers or see the skies part and hear a thundering voice from above, over time I began to understand. God's ways are not our ways. What did not make sense to me in the here and now over time began to make sense. I can look back now and understand the guiding hand of God. Without the failings of one school situation, we would not have been led to find another school which has proven to be one of the biggest blessings in our lives. And without being forced to try new and different hobbies and outlets, Sara Ashley may never have found her true passions of horseback riding, art, and the outdoors.

And although I can admit that some things will never make sense, my faith and trust has grown as I have continued to seek God through prayer and personal relationship. I have seen God support me and our child in her circumstances. So now, when I don't understand, I still trust in His innate goodness and His promise that He will never leave or forsake me(Deuteronomy 31:8). I trust that it is His desire to give each of us a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).

Looking back now, Denise also sees that God's plans for her son's life, as well as her own, were for her good. In leaving behind her obsession with researching her son's disability, she found a renewed relationship with her daughter, a new doctor who skillfully guides her family on how to help their son, and a new calling in a large church production that gives God glory.

These days, I am still confusingly amused by my daughter at times. Don't we all feel that way about our kids now and then? Thankfully, with God in charge, I don't have to understand everything. I simply have to seek Him and know that His guiding hand is leading the way.

Matthew 7:7-8

"Knock knock," Sara Ashley called from the back seat of the car.

"Who's there?" I answered.

"Banana"

"Banana who?"

"Banana robot!"
She squealed with laughter as I smiled in amused confusion.

These were my daughter's preschool attempts at humor. Not very successful to the average listener, but they did make my heart smile.

However, all was not happy during that period of time. It seemed that everywhere around me, doors were closing in my face and, seemingly, in my daughter's future. That year, as Sara Ashley was completing kindergarten, my husband and I met with her school's special education team for our year-end meeting. This was a dream team of professionals who were working their hardest to meet our child's needs. But there was no denying the test results that stared me in the face that morning. In black and white I read the words:

Does not meet the requirements necessary to be promoted to the first grade.

All around me, for a period of two or three years, I found doors closing:

• 
  

Faith Sharing Part I



And I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?” Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.”
Isaiah 6:8

We had just finished Sara Ashley's first horseback riding lesson with a new instructor and I wanted to let her select a new book for summer reading, so we went to visit our local Barnes & Noble. That's where I found her, parked comfortably in a wooden chair that she had pulled up to the "Young Readers 7-12" section of the book store. On the ground next to her sat a basket full of her already selected books, and she continued to peruse the shelves looking for more. As I walked the aisle, she kindly asked me if she was in my way. Her age and obvious difficulty with mobility seemed to have her pinned to her chosen spot where she was able to reach both left and right for multiple titles.

"No, your just fine. Thank you, " I replied.
Sara Ashley and I continued our search. Me pulling books off of the shelf and reading the backs, looking for Newberry Awards and interesting plots. Her looking at the cover photograph or illustration and for pictures of horses. It is always a challenge to find the "right" book for her, not wanting to select something too difficult that will deter her from reading, but also not wanting to select something so easy that she doesn't learn or relate to it.

"Have you heard about the summer reading club for kids?" she asked me.
"No, thanks for sharing, " I replied, and she passed me a flier. On it were listed free books that could be earned by reading ten books over the summer. The free books were divided by grade and gave me a good idea of some suggestions for my daughter.

I began pulling the suggested reading from the shelf when she engaged in more conversation.
"I'm looking for my granddaughter. She likes dragons and fantasy. Does this look like something your daughter would like?" and she handed me the book.
Sara Ashley is not a dragon kind of girl but I gladly accepted the book and thanked her. It was then that I lamented to her that I had a hard time finding just the right book for my daughter, although I didn't go into details.
"Well, I do too," she agreed. "My granddaughter has a learning disability."

Really??? Wow! Of all the people I could have run into that day, God sent me to this kind lady who shared her story with me about her "granddaughter." As it turns out, this ten year old isn't really her granddaughter at all, but is the child of a friend who is down on her luck."Nana", as this woman is affectionately called, has taken in this young girl and is raising her as her own. Nana is a retired school teacher and media specialist doing the best she can to help her "granddaughter" navigate the school system and get what she needs in order to maximize her potential. As we lamented about the challenges involved, I looked for just the right moment to share how God was helping me and others through this often painful and frustrating process.

My heart urged me to share with her how God was working in my life and my daughter's life to show His love and glory. Regretfully, although we talked for about 15 minutes, I never found what I thought was the right opportunity to tell her this. Although I'm sorry that this opportunity didn't seem to present itself, I still know that by simply slowing down enough to have this conversation, we were both blessed in the process.

The following Sunday in church our pastor's sermon was on "Storytelling." He encouraged us to step out in faith and share with others who are hurting our own personal stories of God's love in our lives. After all, His love is not limited. It is for everyone. Of course, this reminded me of my time at Barnes & Noble earlier in the week and my missed opportunity. How many more opportunities have I missed over the years? How many do I miss every week? God puts us in situations to minister to others, and to share His love. I don't want to have to live with regret next time I am faced with this opportunity.

How can we step out of our comfort zones and share our faith effectively? God has done so much in my life that I often find myself wanting to shout it from the mountain tops. But, knowing how I would've reacted to that type of "evangelism" in the past, I don't want to scare away others who are still on the fence about their faith in God. Be sure to read Faith Sharing Part II on Thursday to learn how God can effectively use each of us to share His love.

Speaking "through your heart"

The other night as I put my daughter to bed, she shared with me some of the events of her day. At age eleven, I am always excited when she decides to share because this age has brought with it her need to keep some secrets from me - like crushes, girl-talk, basically social issues - but that night she wanted to share. She told me that as she had been playing with someone that day she became frustrated with his behavior. The child was a good deal younger than her and was obviously struggling with wanting to be the center of attention. How he got that attention- by doing good things or bad- didn't seem to matter to him.

"I told him, through my heart," SA said, "that he was being mean and that he needed to share and not be ugly to me and his sister."

"Through her heart", I thought. What an interesting concept. She filtered what she had said through her heart so that it wouldn't sting and so that it would come from love rather than frustration and anger. I absolutely loved her choice of words! She was also spot on with her thinking. If we would all just filter our thoughts and actions "through our heart" before acting on them, this world would be a much better place.



I have often found that children offer profound thoughts. This seems to come from their innocence and the purity of their intentions. God's intentions for the children of this world are far more than we might expect, and this especially includes children who face life challenges. So many times in the bible we come to verses that illustrate this fact.

But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”
Matthew 19:14

 
Earlier the same day that my daughter shared her thoughts with me, I received an email from a friend. A blog was attached. It shared the journey of Christian man named John Knight who works for John Piper. Knight has a disabled son who, although 18 years old, operates at the intellectual level of an 18 month old. Despite his son's disabilities, the young man loves to sing praises to the Lord. This sometimes happens in grocery stores and public settings where others will hear him. John shares that when his son sings he is acting as a spiritual warrior against Satan and glorifying God. Although John's son is not what this world would call "strong", he is strongly valuable to God! Here is what John shared:

Out of the mouth of babies and infants, you have established strength because of your foes, to still the enemy and the avenger. (Psalm 8:2)

John states: So if this is the case, and I believe it is, my weak and disabled son — with all his limitations — is part of God’s plan to still the enemy and the avenger. And that makes him an effective warrior against a vile and spiritually violent enemy, equipped by God to do what those who are strong and proud cannot do, no matter their physical or intellectual giftings. (Reference to 1 Corinthians 1:27-29)
John's son sings "through his heart" to a world who needs to hear God's love and he quiets the enemy by sharing this Love.



For Bobby, another child I will be writing about in the future, spoken word is not necessarily his gift, but his actions speak much louder than words. Bobby has autism and his verbal abilities are limited. Despite these limitations, Bobby still finds ways to effectively express himself. As he interacts with the world, Bobby has the viewpoint that everyone is his friend. His father, Doug, shares that when Bobby experiences kindness from people or simply feels a need to express his love for them, he shares his emotions freely by giving them a huge bear hug. His most recent recipient was the "cookie lady" at Publix. These gestures of physical kindess are received unexpectedly and, usually, very warmly by others who recognize that, "through his heart", Bobby is sharing the pure love of our Creator.

These are just a few examples of how God shows His glory through our special children. From them and others, I have learned that we should never underestimate His ability to use us in ways that we least expect.



18th century Woodcutting showing Christ healing the disabled.

In John 9 we learn of a boy who was born blind. Assuming that his afflictions were the result of sin, the disciples asked Jesus, "Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?" Jesus' answer was this: “You’re asking the wrong question. You’re looking for someone to blame. There is no such cause-effect here. Look instead for what God can do” (The Message).

Isn't it just like us to want to blame someone for our perceived weaknesses? Instead, Jesus tells us to stop right there - there is no one to blame! Instead, let's look at what God can do with what the world calls weak! Infinitely more than we might ask or think (Ephesians 3:20). God can turn our pain into pleasure, our trials into triumph, and our struggles into strengths. Only He can take our weaknesses and, "through His heart," turn them into something truly beautiful and lovely, allowing those we would least expect to bring the gift of glory to Him.

Happy Dance!!

We all have days when we wonder how successful we are at raising our children. Are we giving them the guidance they need to make the decisions that will shape their future? Are we placing them in environments that will foster self-worth? Are we working to insure that they know the importance of humility and a servant's heart? Are we teaching them about respect for their elders? And how are they being affected by the things that we can't always control, like their peers, and the media?

The other day was one of those days when my heart did a BIG happy dance. Some of these questions that I often ask myself were answered in the form of notes written by Sara Ashley for her teachers' end of the year appreciation luncheon. I had been asking Sara Ashley to write these notes for three days and I was a bit frustrated at her procrastination, but the results certainly made them worth the wait. They gave me a wide peek into my child's heart and soul. They also revealed much to me about her feelings for her teachers, her school, and her own self-worth.

Here is some of what she wrote:

"You have been such a great teacher and you push us so hard in a good way! Your pushing us so hard this year has made it to where I've learned a whole bunch! Thank you!"

"You are the best principal! You work so hard for us! Thank you for that. Everyday you raise your hand in lunch and I emetley (immediately) pay strate etenchen (straight attention)!"

"Everyday is a blessing for me coming to the school you created for kids like me! Thank you for looking out for us! Even though we're different, you make it to were (where) we love being us!"



It brings me joy and peace to know that my child is receiving such wonderful instruction, guidance and nurturing in her school environment. Saying that it takes a village to raise a child is not an understatement. There are so many factors beyond our control that play into our children's upbringing. This can be scary for parents! And while real world conflict can create resiliency in a child, I find it very comforting to know that my child feels loved and accepted in her school environment. I think this is especially important for a child with disabilities, where school can often be a place of fear and dread. Recently I saw a quote that gave me great insight into what it must be like to have a learning disability. It reads:

“Imagine going to work and not being able to do your job. Now imagine that you can't leave your job. Imagine having to do that every day. This is what life is like for children with learning disabilities."

Dr. David Urion
Director, Neurology and Learning Disabilities Program,
Children's Hospital, Boston

I can't imagine the frustration that kids with learning differences must experience on a day to day basis. So to know that my child's school environment is not adding to that frustration is truly a blessing. More importantly, to know that her school is encouraging her and elevating her to be a person of true character is like the cherry on top of an ice cream sundae!

Finding the right school for each child is an important part of parenting. Someone once reminded me that our children spend more awake time in school each weekday than they do in their own homes. What an eye-opener! This certainly magnifies the importance of choosing the best school environment possible. So if you haven't found the right fit, don't give up! There are schools out there for each child's learning style and temperament. Public schools, Charter schools, Magnet schools, Private schools and even home schooling are all options. And don't let a price tag keep you from exploring. Many schools offer scholarships for students and families who desire to help their children. Don't forget about the Special Needs scholarships that are offered in certain states too. These can often cover partial or entire private school tuitions.

Our kids are counting on us to provide the parenting they need. They are our future! And we owe it to them to find a place where they can learn their best AND feel that they are accepted and loved for who they are and who they aspire to be.

Gut Feelings and Crooked Paths

Have you ever just known something with clarity in your heart and soul? In our daily life circumstances we often call it a hunch. In the business world we might call it a gut feeling. As a mother, we call it mother's intuition. And as a Christian we know that it is a nudging from the Holy Spirit.

Seven years ago I experienced a nudging that felt like this:

Something was just not quite right. Something was wrong. My perfect and beautiful daughter wasn’t learning at the same pace that her older brother had and I was concerned. I reasoned with myself that he was quite a bright child, very verbal from an early age with a memory like an elephant. So maybe this was “normal”? But my mind would not let my heart settle on that. Something was just not quite right.

My sister, a kindergarten teacher of 10 years, administered a battery of little “tests” each time we went out to eat. What color is this, Sara Ashley? How many gummy bears do you see? And if we take one away, how many are left? Sometimes Sara Ashley would answer correctly, sometimes she would stare blankly at her aunt like she didn’t have a clue what she was talking about, and sometimes she would simply be too busy with other things to care. So…where did this leave me?

My inquisitive, very active and not so verbal child was different; different from her brother, different from most of her peers, different from me. But was she really that different or was I just a mom with an overactive imagination looking for problems that weren’t really there? I shared my thoughts and fears with my husband, Rob. A free spirit himself, he saw no flaws in his daughter’s development and found her to be just like him. So I tried not to worry.

In hindsight, my first recommendation to anyone who wonders these questions is to trust your maternal instincts. Even if you are wrong, what could you possibly lose by exploring the issue (except money)? And it might actually be a tremendous help to your child. I can certainly say this has been the case for our daughter.

Maybe you have had your own "knowing" moments as a mother. Most of us have in one way or another. From instictively knowing what your baby likes and dislikes before they can even speak to knowing that something is wrong, a mother's intuition is a powerful thing and I recommend not ignoring it.

In the case of learning disabilities, I strongly encourage anyone who has a gut feeling that something is wrong with their child to explore the issue. A good starting point is to consult with your child's pediatrician and teachers.

It has been proven time and time again that early intervention is the key to success for kids with LDs, yet many continue to think that their child is just a "late bloomer" or will eventually "grow out of it." Sadly, during this valuable waiting time, the child is falling further and further behind and he or she often comes to the point of feeling hopeless and stupid, when really they just need help to figure out how their brain works best.   

University of Houston neuropsychologist Jack Fletcher heads the Texas Center for Learning Disabilities and says,

"Even though we talk constantly about the importance of early intervention, that message just continues to get lost and diluted in its translation. Every piece of research I know says that kids who are not reading at grade level by the end of first grade are at very high risk for a learning disability."

With my daughter, even her teachers didn't realize that there was an issue until it became a very obvious problem for her academically. Thankfully, by that time, my husband and I had already taken the steps necessary to start getting her help.

So how do you know if your child might need help? Here are some red flags that might indicate a learning disability in children five and under: 

• Delayed speech
• Pronunciation problems
• Difficulty learning new words
• Difficulty learning to read
• Trouble learning numbers, the alphabet, days of the week, or colors and shapes
• Poor concentration
• Difficulty following directions
• Poor grasp of a crayon or pen
• Difficulty with buttoning, zipping, and tying
• Family history of learning disabiilities

Being a parent is hard but rewarding work. Our children depend on us to be their protectors and advocates in a world that is increasingly dangerous and oblivious to the needs of others. Early intervention is key in helping our kids with learning disabilities. This early intervention can help prevent years of playing catch up, suffering from frustration, low self-esteem and even depression.

Diagnosis and knowledge are the answers. If you can name it, you can address it. And shame should never even enter the picture. Children with learning disabilities usually have normal or above normal intelligence, but they have trouble expressing their knowledge. An LD child may know just what he wants to accomplish- to say or write or do- but getting there isn't a straight path.

Just remember, crooked paths are ok! Although they are often the road less taken, they can bring their own unexpected gifts of beautiful scenery along the way. But first you must take the steps to embark on the journey!

A Life Perspective

The past few weeks have brought the busyness of the Spring season. My interior design work had a surge with three deadlines culminating the same week and, of course, the end of the school year activities are in full swing! I relish this time of year because of the changing season, blue, sunny skies and the chance to watch the kids celebrate their school year successes. However, I must admit that I have had little time to write and I feel a bit disconnected from the book and stories that God has shared with me through so many wonderful parents and others who work with and love children experiencing life challenges. As the school year comes to an end, I hope to be able to remain focused and make more progress with my writing and sharing with others. The last few months have shown me the importance of continuing this journey. God is asking, He's got a plan, and I am determined to stay focused on His assigned task. When I am immersed in this "work" I experience so much JOY...why would I want to leave that undone?

As you have probably noticed, my posts about kids who face life challenges have all come from a parent's perspective. Most of the kids I have written about are still under the age of 13 and are either not fully aware of their differences or are not yet able to fully reflect on how their challenges affect their lives. However, today I want to share with you a post from a precious young woman. In her own words she shares how dyslexia has affected her life. Her story is honest and raw and you will be touched as she shares the pain and joy she has experienced.

Rachel is 22 years old now but I have known her from the time she was born. She is the daughter of David, our Minister of Music and JoAn, one of the Associate Pastors at my church. Watching Rachel grow up, I saw a shy and quiet girl who participated in the music programs at the church. What I didn't know was the struggles she was going through and the battles she was fighting. After reading her story, it is helping me as a parent and I am humbled by her determination and faith walk. God has and continues to help her through her challenges; a constant and loving source of hope and courage for her. I am thankful for her faithfulness to Him and her ability to be grateful through her circumstances. Currently, Rachel is working as an intern for Rick Bonfim Ministries. Her work for RBM includes designing/updating their website (www.latterain.com), travelling to Brazil to Rick's Mission in Niteroi, and doing whatever else they ask of her.



Here is her story:

My name is Rachel Kinrade and I am 22 years old. I was diagnosed with Dyslexia when I was in Elementary school in second grade. It has definitely not been the easiest road, but with the help of God and my family I have learned to move on and get passed the diagnosis. (And live with it you can say) I can say now that it was quite a struggle! I attended public school from elementary school all the way through high school. I was in special education classes from second grade through fourth grade. When I got through fourth grade the teachers decided to take me out of special eduation, so I could be a “normal” fifth grader to get me ready for middle school.

From a very young age I struggled with school. I never was a good test taker, I didn’t have any friends, I was always the shy or quiet girl who would never say a word in school. And by a word, I mean a word! I would NEVER say anything in school, I was very very shy. The teachers noticed that I didn’t do well on test at all and that I was struggling and not comprehending a lot of material. My mom was a elementary school music teacher at the time and that’s when they decided for me to get tested for some type of learning disability. I went through a series of long and hard test, kind of like a standardize test if you will. I remember that day very well and everything about it. It was definitely traumatizing as a 7 year old. I was a very mature kid I did very well in school and just didn’t do well on test. I was too young to know what was going on, but now looking back at it having dyslexia and being defined as a child with a learning disability really hurt me growing up. Not being in an environment that understood was hard. I grew up holding back and keeping a lot of my feelings and even emotions inside. I didn’t ever express myself. I ended up not knowing how to act around other kids, because I wasn’t around them in the classroom. Felt very alone growing up and like I had no friends. I was so confused. Of course now looking back I see how much I have grown so much in this process, as a person and how it has helped me become who I am today.

I had many accomplishments throughout middle and high school. I learned how to cope with my dyslexia. My mom would talk to each of my teachers every year before the term started. Some would make accommodations and some would not. Some would be the best teachers and help me and some would be very rude about it. I got used to those…But I did the best I could and would work extra hard. I would spend three to four times longer working on assignments and homework as “normal” kids. No one understood while I was getting special treatment in classes and no one seemed to understand. But did that stop me? No! When working on homework and school work I would get extremely frustrated and angry at myself. I would get mad at myself, because I would not understand my work, I wouldn’t remember how to do the math problem, or I couldn’t comprehend a story I read. I would think to myself often, “Why are you like this? Why can’t you do this work by yourself like normal kids”, Why do you always need help?”

I got all A’s and B’s all through middle and high school. And I even graduated with honors from high school in 2009. I surprised my parents the night of graduation! I found out graduation morning that I reached my goal of graduating with honors. That tells you what someone can do if they put their mind to it.

Another big mile stone for me was graduating from the Art Institute of Atlanta in December of 2011. I graduated with my Associates degree in Culinary Arts degree with concentration in baking and pastry. I could not have gotten through without my family and me walking in Faith and Trust with God on my side.

I am not saying it was easy, but I am saying it is possible. Everything is possible with God. God has been my main supporter in all of this and my learning process. I was longing for a relationship with Him from a very young age even growing up in church. I leaned on Him even if I did not know what that meant. My parents also supported me. They would spend hours with me every night working through my homework with me and helping me. They believed in me like no one else! They were the best! Kids so much lean on there parents for support and help. All the kid wants is to be “normal” and feel important. That’s what my parents did for me. They always cared for me and wanted the best for me. They wanted to help in anyway possible. I know it was tough for my mom. It was hard for her to find common ground in fighting for me, doing everything she could and then deciding when it was a good time for me to jump out on my own. But she did great! 

I currently am an intern at a Mission organization in Athens, Ga. (Rick Bonfim Ministries) I absolutely love it and know that this is my call from God on my life. He has brought me through many hard times and that has brought me closer to Him. God has definitely brought me through this hard struggle of being a child and young-adult with dyslexia. He helped me realize that I did not have to go by Rachel who has dyslexia. I was Rachel, I was my own person and I didn’t have to be identified by dyslexia. Dyslexia does not identify who I am! I pray that my words encourage you and give you hope! God bless you! I will leave you with my favorite scripture that I turn to everyday and that helped me more then ever through this whole process:

Philippians 4:13 (NIV) “I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength!”

When asked what gifts Rachel feels God has given her to help her surpass her challenges, she shares that music, faith perseverence, compassion, caring and a servant's heart are a few. Here are her thoughts:

Gifts that surpass the challenges: 

1. I would have to say Music has helped me surpass the challenges. Having music and being in band in middle and high school and choir through church helped me cope with my learning disability. Music to this day helps me express myself and who I am as a person. If I didn't have music I don't know where I would be in life! 

2. Faith: Something that I've learned over the years is to have faith! I keep having to remember that we just have to walk in Faith and Trust! But mostly having faith can help you get through any situation! Remember: You just have to have faith the size of mustard seed! 

3. Perseverance: I learned to take each second, minute, hour, day at a time. I couldn't get through without doing this. But I did worry a lot growing up. and without looking at it this way, I would have NEVER gotten through and done things that I did. 

4. I feel as if God has blessed me with many gifts, but I would say the ones that mean the most to me are compassion, caring, and servant heart. I care SO very much for other people. That is who I am and how God created me to be. 

I am immensly grateful to Rachel for sharing her story with me and all of you. It takes courage to share and be transparent. I am also thankful to learn from Rachel. Although this journey began as an opportunity for me to share our story and how I see God working in it, I am finding that God has many plans beyond that. He is teaching me so much through others, how they have responded to their situation and what He has done in their lives. I have a lot to learn and am blessed with some great people to learn from!