Sticks and Stones

We've all heard the old adage, "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words can never hurt me." I'm willing to bet that you heard it either from your mom or from a teacher the first time another child said something mean to you and hurt your feelings.

Sadly, the truth of the matter is that this old saying just ain't true. Words do hurt and, if repeated again and again, over time they can cripple us.



Before the "sticks and stones saying", God inspired Paul and others to write a very different message. 

Ephesians 4:29
"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."
And Jesus said in the book of Matthew 15:10-11
"And he called the people to him and said to them, “Hear and understand: it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person.”

Recently I was contacted by a friend. She had just read something I had written and the words brought back a flood of memories for her. These were painful memories of being shamed and ridiculed, told that she was "stupid" and "bad". These words were spoken to her when she was just a little girl, but here she was, at the age of 40, still crying about them. Reliving the pain of how those words did indeed "break her bones" by profoundly breaking her spirit. A recent Christian song also shares how significant spoken words can affect our lives. I've shared the song below.

Thankfully, God's love can heal the pain we receive from others words. And, as the song describes, we can use words of love to lift people instead of hurting them. In my friend's message I learned that God is slowly healing her pain. Over time and through developing a loving relationship with Him, reading His word, and allowing Him to comfort and nurture her, she continues to heal. But it is a long and hard process that she wouldn't wish on anyone.

She also shared with me that because of her experiences she is VERY, VERY careful about the words she speaks to others. To her children, she is a mother who relishes in praising them. And to friends, she is the one who always has the kind word and the encouragement that we all need to hear. God has taught her the importance of words and she is following His lead in order to heal her own heart and in order to make sure others don't have to suffer through her same experiences.

Reading her words was eye-opening to me. Her hurt and pain are real. They are a tangible reminder for me to stop and think before speaking. They also reminded me that, for the most part, children's emotions and feelings are the same. Our children with life challenges are just like other children. Although they may look or act a little bit differently (or may not!), they experience emotions, pain, and joy just like anyone else does. Some may not always understand sarcasm or wit, but some may understand it just fine. Some may not read social cues or understand lofty vocabulary. But some may understand and read these situations perfectly. The truth is, it doesn't matter what we perceive that they understand. The way we treat them should not differ from the way we should treat anyone else. Although they may be different on some levels, like all of us, they have the same capacity to feel hurt, shame and fear.
Therefore, our words should always uplift, and never condemn, ridicule or shame. Yes, sometimes children need discipline, ALL children. Yes, sometimes they need redirection. And sometimes they need punishment. But the words we use when we take these actions should always come from love and should be used to teach, not tear down.


We need to teach our children this lesson too. Children are often the cruelest perpetrators. Why, I'm not sure. Have they not been taught compassion or empathy? Are they modeling behavior they have seen in others? Or are they simply in need of being educated? Probably all of the above. And as parents, it's our job to make sure we do teach them compassion and truth, modeling the behavior that Christ modeled for us.


Words CAN break our bones by breaking our hearts and our spirits. They can break our lives if we replay them in our heads like a broken record. Let your words make someone's day, not break someone's heart. Be that unexpected gift and blessing to others, sharing God's love for ALL the little children (and big children) of the world!



I will leave you with some of the many, many Bible verses that share this message of using our words wisely and as  life-affirming for others.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.
Proverbs 18:21

There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Proverbs 12:18

I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak.
Matthew 12:36

Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.
Proverbs 16:24

Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.
Proverbs 13:3

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.
Psalm 19:14

Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.
Proverbs 29:20

The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.
Luke 6:45

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.
Colossians 3:16

Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.
1 Thessalonians 5:11

Paying it Forward

Throughout our journey with Sara Ashley and her life challenges we have learned a pretty good bit about what is involved in making sure she gets what she needs to help her maximize her potential. Sometimes it has been through trial and error and sometimes through thorough research. It has also always been through prayer. Needless to say, we've learned a lot! And I am always thankful for those who have shared their knowledge with us to help us through. 

As I have begun sharing our experiences, I often get phone calls, emails and messages from other parents and friends detailing a situation with their own child and asking me for my advice. First, let me say that it is an honor and joy for me to be able to share with them and to listen to their story. You see, I love it when God connects people. And though I may not always have an answer, I believe a listening ear goes a long, long way. I have certainly been blessed by others who have listened to me in my times of worry and fear. Secondly, it gives me an opportunity to share my faith and how I see that God blesses us with our children. Despite, and through, the life challenges that are present, God blesses.

I also believe that it is my responsibility as a Christian to be there for others in their times of trouble.
Scripture tells us that God uses our trials to help us comfort others. This gives me such purpose and peace.

2 Corinthians 1:4 New Living Translation
He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.

What a wonderful blessing He has shared with us through this scripture! When we go to God with our troubles, He comforts us. Through this comfort that we receive from Him, we are then able to comfort others when they are troubled.
The modern day concept of "Pay it forward" is actually over 2000 years old! And people say the Bible is dead?!? 

So what does this mean for us on a daily basis? First, it means that we MUST GO TO GOD WITH OUR TROUBLES! How can we expect His comfort, if we are not conversing and spending time with Him? Yes, he knows all of our trials, even when we don't take them to Him; but if we aren't willing to pray, listen and spend time with Him, how can He comfort us? If we are too busy running around trying to solve everything ourselves (been there, done that!) or if we are too afraid to even acknowledge the problem (ignorance is bliss??), we WILL miss His comforting. And what a shame that would be! This comforting can come in many forms- other people, circumstances, a beautiful sunrise, a special song, or simply a whisper from Him. No matter the form, we will be blessed if we go to Him with our troubles.

Second, God does not want for us to go it alone in our trials. He did not make us to be loners, completely self-sufficient and without need for Him or others (Hebrews 10:24-25). He wants for us to bring our troubles to Him. He also wants for us to support each other, as a body of believers, providing comfort and love.

Throughout life, the lessons that I continue to learn include more of these unexpected gifts of His love.  I receive them through my experiences with my special child, actually through both of my children, and also through challenges that I face in other circumstances. Though the trials may be heartbreaking at times and the answers and reasons unknown, I will continue to take my problems to God. And His word promises me that my surrender will not come back void. I will receive His comfort, allowing Him to show me His blessings through the pain and the joy. And then it will be my turn to comfort others through His love. What a blessing indeed!