Finding Christ in the Struggle

As she contemplated the surgery that her daughter was about to endure, Beth wondered how this could possibly be the right answer. How was breaking her child's legs, in essence crippling her, the way to help her walk?

She had prayed about it for months. It was not the first and would not be the last challenge that her child and family would face, but this one was hitting her harder than any of the previous trials.

Born at 26 weeks gestation, her daughter had endured a grade III intraventricular brain bleed which resulted in cerebral palsy. As part of her cp, Suzy's legs were permanently twisted. The surgery she was to undergo was designed to straighten them.Until now, her mobility was limited to moving with the aid of a walker. Through the results of this surgery, doctors felt she would be capable of walking on her own. This was a big step towards independence, which was her parents desire and prayer for Suzy.

But why God, Beth implored, did the method of treatment have to be so cruel and extreme? Beth was afraid. And so was her child.

Have you ever been faced with a situation like this? Knowing that you are trying to do what's best for your child, but also knowing that there will be extreme discomfort and possibly even pain involved? Has this left you wondering where Christ is in your struggle?

Leaning on and trusting God had become a way of life for Beth from the time she was a child. Thankfully, her daughter's journey had made her even stronger in her faith. So she leaned on God for comfort with scripture. 

Philippians 4:6-7:

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; ⁷ and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

 

The surgery was considered a success by the doctors, but it was only the beginning of the trial. After Suzy recovered for six weeks in casts, more challenges arose. The ease of learning to walk was not what they had expected. Physical therapy was intensely painful for Suzy. Knowing her daughter's high tolerance for pain, this brought Beth to her knees. After several visits at a rehab facility, Beth decided to call on their in-home physical therapist.
Hiding in her bathroom, out of the sight of her daughter and the therapist, Beth cried to God as she listened to her daughter scream in pain. Thankfully, after this visit, Suzy's therapy became more bearable. Following seven months of fear and anxiety, Beth was finally able to see a light at the end of the tunnel as Suzy made tremendous strides in her ability to walk. 

How can we find Christ in our struggles so He can sustain us and give us strength? Is it even possible to find God in the midst of such pain?

Throughout the trials of her daughter's surgery, Beth looked to God for her strength and comfort. Although she experienced fear in the process, she also found hope. As Suzy turned a corner and she was able to see the success of this horrible ordeal, she found this verse that gave her clarity.

John 9:3b, NIV:

“Neither this man (child) nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him (her).”

 

Over time, Beth began to see Christ in the circumstances surrounding their family and this medical ordeal. Friends brought meals, gifts for her daughter, and spent time visiting. A wheelchair ramp was built by the men of their church. Thoughtful cards were received. Their family was ministered to in ways that she had never expected. These were the hands and feet of Christ.

Three years later, Beth celebrates as her daughter walks independently down the aisle of the church for choir performances. Watching, the congregation also cheers on this child who has endured so much. God has truly been glorified as they witness this miraculous transformation.

Though the challenges of their child's journey continue, this family is thankful that they also continue to find Jesus Christ. They see it in the healing that He has done in their daughter and through the comfort and clarity of His Word. And they find it in the love that He gives them through friends and loved ones who support them.

As parents of special needs children, we are often left wondering how we will make it through our circumstances. Admittedly, it is not easy. We find ourselves in the valley again and again. It is important to remember that the ways Christ presents himself may be unexpected- relationships, meals, wheelchair ramps, gifts. But even in our pain, we must look and expect to see Him. We must recall His promises to us. Through our struggles, my prayer is that we can always find His redeeming grace, remembering the blessing that He is with us always and forever, until the ends of the earth.

"Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

Matthew 28:20 

Love and Logic



The brain is a mysterious thing. God gave humans a unique brain. Unlike the brains of other living creatures, our brains allow us to use reason and logic, and give us free will. We have dominion over all of the other animals because God granted us a superior brain. (Genesis 1:26)

Logic and reason are powerful tools that we use in our everyday lives. But how we use them is of utmost importance, as I found out about six years ago...

One late summer day when my daughter was six years old my husband called me with some news. The excitement in his voice was undeniable. He shared with me that he had just signed her up for little league football cheerleading. "It will be so fun for her! And she'll look so cute in that cheerleader uniform!" he exclaimed. The eagerness in his voice practically jumped through the phone. "She CAN do this!" he practically yelled.

I was driving at the time and it was all I could do not to pull the car to the side of the road and have a panic attack.

"Cheerleading?!? How in the world do you think she is going to be able to learn all those cheers? Not to mention adding the movements and cute dances to the equation!?!"

My mind inwardly screamed in outrage at the lack of logic and reason that he had exhibited when signing her up for this mistake. I was practically in tears just thinking about how it was all going to play out. Just a year earlier, Sara Ashley had been diagnosed with an expressive language disability. Word-finding and memorization were her biggest weaknesses. Surely this was setting her up for complete failure!

But my husband would not be swayed. "We need to let her give it a try," he insisted. Despite my strong reservations, I conceded.

Cheerleading started in early August. The practices were hot and long. The coach was a former professional cheerleader with little tolerance for the antics of six year old girls. But as the practices progressed and I watched my daughter, I was amazed. Although she did have some trouble remembering the words to the cheers, she learned the routines with ease. She blended seamlessly with the squad and had a great season of cheerleading! My husband was every bit the proud daddy! And, despite my initial reservations, I was a very proud mama too.

The abilities of my daughter in this circumstance defy all logic and reason. The previous school year, she had been unable to learn her complete alphabet and hadn't been able to count past eleven. How was it possible that she was successfully performing cheers and dance routines?

Logic and reason are certainly gifts from God. But, as humans, we are still not capable of fully understanding what God can and will do in our lives if we give Him the chance. If we allow logic and reason to dictate our willingness to follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit, we are not using these gifts the way God intended. And, as my husband taught me, if we use them to limit our potential or the potential of those around us, we are misusing them altogether.

When Joshua walked around Jericho seven times blowing his trumpets in order to overtake the city, was he using logic and reason? When the young and small David declared that he would fight the giant Goliath and even shed the armor provided to him by Saul, what kind of logic was that? When Peter stepped out of the boat to walk on the water towards Jesus, there was no reason or logic involved. These men were not making their decisions based on wordly logic. They were acting in faith and obedience to God and their heart's desire to follow Him.

Recently a friend told me about her five year old son's learning disability. Somehow his brain has associated letters with numbers. If asked what the letter "F" is, he taps his leg six times (as F is the sixth letter in the alphabet) and comes up with the answer "6." The logic of his brain is amazing and interesting to me. He is sure to be magnificently creative! But I am certain that it is very frustrating to his mother at this point. Trying to teach him to read has become a task akin to beating her head against a brick wall. Her aspirations for his future are limited to the abilities that she can currently see. She is not alone. I have heard this from the parents of many LD kids.

Looking back now at my own daughter at the age of five I can totally relate. My hopes for her were also limited and I was very fearful of what her future would hold. When we are faced with a brain that defies the logic and reason that we can understand, it scares us. We long for our children to succeed and to thrive in this world that operates by a strict standard of norms. But as I look at my daughter now, and all that she has overcome, I can speak with authority when I say that we must reach beyond our own comfort of human logic and reason to allow our children the opportunities to reach their full potential. The only way we can do this is to listen to God's promptings and, with His guidance, step out in faith. 

God's will for our lives is to look to Him for direction. His love for us is enough to give us peace in our circumstances, whether they make worldly sense or not. Our decisions should not be based solely on logic and reason, but on our heart's desire to follow Him.

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.
Ephesians 3:20 The Message

Knocking on the Door

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ⁸ For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
Matthew 7:7-8

These were my daughter's preschool attempts at humor. Not very successful to the average listener, but they did make my heart smile.

However, all was not happy during that period of time. It seemed that everywhere around me, doors were closing in my face and, seemingly, in my daughter's future. That year, as Sara Ashley was completing kindergarten, my husband and I met with her school's special education team for our year-end meeting. This was a dream team of professionals who were working their hardest to meet our child's needs. But there was no denying the test results that stared me in the face that morning. In black and white I read the words:

Does not meet the requirements necessary to be promoted to the first grade.

"Knock knock," Sara Ashley called from the back seat of the car.
"Who's there?" I replied.
"Banana."
"Banana who?"
"Banana robot!" 
She squealed with laughter as I smiled in amused confusion.

These were my daughter's preschool attempts at humor. Not very successful to the average listener (like her older brother), but they did make my heart smile.

However, all was not happy during that period of time. It seemed that everywhere around me, doors were closing in my face and in my daughter's future. That year, as Sara Ashley was completing kindergarten, my husband and I met with her school's special education team for our year-end meeting. This was a dream team of professionals who were working their hardest to meet our child's needs. But there was no denying the tests results that stared me in the face that morning. In black and white I read the words:

Does not meet the requirements necessary to be promoted to the first grade.

All around me, for a period of two or three years, I found doors closing:

Matthew 7:7-8

"Knock knock," Sara Ashley called from the back seat of the car.

"Who's there?" I answered.

"Banana"

"Banana who?"

"Banana robot!"
She squealed with laughter as I smiled in amused confusion.

These were my daughter's preschool attempts at humor. Not very successful to the average listener, but they did make my heart smile.

However, all was not happy during that period of time. It seemed that everywhere around me, doors were closing in my face and, seemingly, in my daughter's future. That year, as Sara Ashley was completing kindergarten, my husband and I met with her school's special education team for our year-end meeting. This was a dream team of professionals who were working their hardest to meet our child's needs. But there was no denying the test results that stared me in the face that morning. In black and white I read the words:

Does not meet the requirements necessary to be promoted to the first grade.

All around me, for a period of two or three years, I found doors closing:

•  At Mommy and me in the library it was too hard for her to sit still and listen- slam!
• Ballet and Tap Lessons found her running around the room to the beat of her own drum- slam!
• Shopping at the local mall left me frantically searching for her as she hid in the clothing turn stiles- slam!
• And now the school that we had counted on to teach her was not able to meet her needs- SLAM!

Denise faced similar challenges with her son who has the condition of Asperger's syndrome. Although the doctors and her son's preschool teachers did not recognize the severity of her son's struggles, she knew something was drastically wrong. So the obsessive research began. Hours and hours of research that took her away from nurturing her young daughter, from keeping up with her other responsibilities, and from being the balanced person that she needed to be. Denise shares a particular closing moment from this period in her past. A family vacation. As she and her husband packed, she remembers with clarity his pleading demand.

"We need you to be part of our family Denise. No books or research about childhood illnesses while we are on our trip!" 
SLAM!

Does God open and close doors in our lives? Were these "slamming doors" God's will?


My answer is a resounding- I'm not sure. I am certainly not a theologian, but here is what I do know:

• Whatever our circumstances, whether we feel persecuted or encouraged, whether we see doors as open or closed, God is with us to comfort and love us. If we seek Him, we will find Him. Matthew 7:7-8, Matthew 28:20

• Whatever our circumstances, whether we feel persecuted or encouraged, whether we see doors as open or closed, God is with us to comfort and love us. If we seek Him, we will find Him. Matthew 7:7-8, Matthew 28:20

• God's purposes cannot be thwarted. If God wants something to happen, it will. If that means pushing us forward in a trajectory that leaves us kicking and screaming in protest, so be it. A better response would be to settle in and watch what He's going to do, knowing that His purposes in our lives are for our good and His glory. Job 42:2, Jeremiah 29:11

• Clarity comes later, faith comes now. Although we may not understand our current situation, we must have faith that God's purposes are greater than our current situation's pain or sorrow. Looking to the Bible can give us this clarity. How often, when we read the account of Jesus dying on the cross, do we stop and wonder why God allowed him to endure such pain? But as we read on, it is made abundantly clear that God's purposes were for our own redemption because of His love for us. And that Jesus sits magnificently on the throne at His right hand, in glory. Remembering His faithfulness to us in the past can give us faith to realize that our current circumstances are only temporary.

Despite my knowledge of these three things, when I find myself in the midst of fear for my child, my human reaction can be quite...well, human. The verse in Matthew 7 makes it sound so simple. "Seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you." I can assure you that during that period of time I was knocking, but it wasn't on God's door. Instead I knocked on other doors during the early years of our struggles. I knocked on the doors of doctors, specialists, teachers, other parents, and professionals who I thought would hold the answers to my daughter's differences. At the time, my logic in this type of seeking was: What could God possibly tell me that these professionals didn't already know? Hadn't He equipped them with knowledge as part of His divine plan? Couldn't I just bypass that personal "seeking" part? What I learned was: While nothing is wrong with seeking the help of experts and professionals, they can never take the place of praying to God for direction first. 

So I tried. Really. really. hard. To find the "answers" to help my daughter. I tried until I was all tried out. I was defeated. Finally, at my wit's end, I sought Him. I prayed.

God, what is your will for my daughter's life?

Although I did not get immediate answers or see the skies part and hear a thundering voice from above, over time I began to understand. God's ways are not our ways. What did not make sense to me in the here and now over time began to make sense. I can look back now and understand the guiding hand of God. Without the failings of one school situation, we would not have been led to find another school which has proven to be one of the biggest blessings in our lives. And without being forced to try new and different hobbies and outlets, Sara Ashley may never have found her true passions of horseback riding, art, and the outdoors.

And although I can admit that some things will never make sense, my faith and trust has grown as I have continued to seek God through prayer and personal relationship. I have seen God support me and our child in her circumstances. So now, when I don't understand, I still trust in His innate goodness and His promise that He will never leave or forsake me(Deuteronomy 31:8). I trust that it is His desire to give each of us a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).

Looking back now, Denise also sees that God's plans for her son's life, as well as her own, were for her good. In leaving behind her obsession with researching her son's disability, she found a renewed relationship with her daughter, a new doctor who skillfully guides her family on how to help their son, and a new calling in a large church production that gives God glory.

These days, I am still confusingly amused by my daughter at times. Don't we all feel that way about our kids now and then? Thankfully, with God in charge, I don't have to understand everything. I simply have to seek Him and know that His guiding hand is leading the way.

Matthew 7:7-8

"Knock knock," Sara Ashley called from the back seat of the car.

"Who's there?" I answered.

"Banana"

"Banana who?"

"Banana robot!"
She squealed with laughter as I smiled in amused confusion.

These were my daughter's preschool attempts at humor. Not very successful to the average listener, but they did make my heart smile.

However, all was not happy during that period of time. It seemed that everywhere around me, doors were closing in my face and, seemingly, in my daughter's future. That year, as Sara Ashley was completing kindergarten, my husband and I met with her school's special education team for our year-end meeting. This was a dream team of professionals who were working their hardest to meet our child's needs. But there was no denying the test results that stared me in the face that morning. In black and white I read the words:

Does not meet the requirements necessary to be promoted to the first grade.

All around me, for a period of two or three years, I found doors closing:

• 
  

Faith Sharing Part II

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5:8

In Bill Hybel's book, Just Walk Across the Room, Hybel gives great recommendations on how to approach people when sharing your faith. One of the most important suggestions he makes is to have your own "before-and-after" story. This story is the faith story of our lives; how we fit into God's greater story.

As Hybel shares, "When people grasp the magnificent truth that the gospel has direct implications for the meaning of their stories, all sorts of light bulbs flicker to life:

I can be found like the lost son.
I can be cared for by a Good Shepherd too.
My deepest needs- like the widow's - can actually be met.
I can receive abundant life just by exhibiting the tiniest amount of faith.
It's really true: anyone can get healed, renewed, transformed, and thrust into abundant life."

I am now working on my "story". In the Christian book world, it is called my 2-minute sales pitch of God's purpose for the book I am writing. In the "real world" it's called sharing your faith in hopes of leading others to Christ, or that other word that I used to hate so much- EVANGELISM. It has taken years for me to remove the negative connotations I have personally connected with that word. Sunday mornings of hearing preachers shout and rant about how I was going to hell if I didn't accept Christ into my heart turned my ability to receive God's love into an impenetrable brick wall. But boy does God have a sense of humor! After finally understanding God's love for me (not just His wrath), I am now the chair of the Evangelism committee at my church. Who would've ever dreamed He would lead me down this path?!?

Hybel lists four criticisms for the stories Christians often tell when sharing their faith and I believe that many of my reasons for hating the word "evangelism" in the past stem from these four reasons. They are as follows:
1. Long-windedness- your story really needs to be kept at three minutes. After that, you simply lose your audience.
2. Fuzziness- your story needs to be simple with a clear plot line that conveys the heartbeat of your faith journey. A confusing story is a sure way to leave seekers scratching their heads.
3. Religionese- verbiage needs to be such that those who are not believers understand and appreciate the words used. In the past, before I had experienced God's love, religionese was just an irritating platitude to me.
4. Superiority- pious remarks and haughty assumptions that show a lack of caring for others will never win others over for Christ. Don't talk down to people. Share and, more importantly, LISTEN.
And here's one I'd like to add:
5. Pressure tactics- pressing and threatening someone with the threat of eternal damnation is NOT the way to share a loving God with them. If your story does not lead them to Christ, consider it a seed planted. Only God can turn someones heart to Him. We are simply sharing His love in hopes that others will accept and find it too.

I want to encourage anyone who desires to lead others to Christ to work on their own stories too. And next time someone opens up to you by asking why you are so excited about your own faith or how you manage to live your life with peace and joy, rather than a constant state of anxiety or worry, tell them as simply as possible what was going on before you met Christ and what has been going on since you began following Him. I know in my own life, the differences are incredible and I pray that they are both inward and outward. Inwardly, I know that God has changed me, refined me, humbled me and loved me, enabling me to live with the peace of knowing that His love is always there for me. Outwardly- well, I'm still working on that, but I pray that my actions are speaking much louder now than my words ever did before finding Him.

WHY???

This last weekend left me with some time on my hands and I used it to read a book that's been on my list for weeks. Seems when you are writing a book it's not easy to find the time to read other books. :) But I'm glad I took the time to read this one!

The title of the book is Why? Trusting God When You Don't Understand, and it is written by Billy Graham's daughter, Anne Graham Lotz with a foreword by Joni Earickson Tada, the quadriplegic Christian artist, writer, and founder of Joni and Friends International Disability Center in Agoura Hills, California.

 

The topic of the book is obvious and it's a question that I've feared someone will ask me when I speak about children living with life challenges. I fear it because I am doubtful that I can answer it in a way that will be satisfying to someone who is in the depths of pain, anger and fear. The answers are plentiful and are backed by scripture, but they are not always what we want to hear and I've even heard them called "irritating platitudes". However, I did once find myself in a dark place, asking "Why?". And I did find the answers through friends who taught me about a God whose love and comfort provide peace in all circumstance. So although my fear sometimes rares its ugly head, I am trusting God to help me through it by studying material about this subject and by studying scripture. My hope is that one day I can introduce God's love to someone who is also trying to understand "WHY?".

I found that this book gave an abundance of great information about this age-old question and I want to share it with all of you. Here are some of the best take-aways:

1) God is bigger than our suffering. We can have hope as we place our trust in Him- in His faithfulness and in His ability to work out in our lives His purposes that will be for our ultimate good and His eternal glory.

2) Faith that triumphantly soars is possible only when the winds of life are contrary to personal comfort. That kind of faith is His ultimate purpose in allowing us to encounter storms of suffering. Trust Him!

3) Pain and suffering is so immediate and can seem so permanent that we can easily lose sight of the big picture. The pain can be so crushing and our hearts can be so broken that we just don't understand why! Why me? Whenever that question tends to fill my mind, I hear Him whisper to my heart, "Why not you? Just trust Me!"

4) If God were small enough for us to understand, He would not be big enough to save us.

5) While God doesn't always protect those He loves from suffering or answer our prayers the way we ask Him to, He does promise in His word that He will be present with us in the midst of our suffering and pain.

6) And finally...the quote that spoke very loudly to me as I travel through this journey:

Joy also in this-

that your sufferings, your losses and your persecutions

shall make you a platform from which

the more vigorously and with greater power

you shall witness to Christ Jesus.

- C.H. Spurgeon

Morning and Evening

I highly recommend this book to anyone who is struggling or feeling persecuted. Finding God in our circumstances, understanding His love for us and how He desires to develop a trusting relationship with us transcends us from the question of "Why?" to the answer of "WHO."

God loves us. To Him we give all the glory!





Connecting the Dots

It began about three years ago. Bear with me, it's a long story, but I think it's a good one.

I was reading "Chicken Soup for the Mother's Soul" in bed one night and came upon a story entitled "Welcome to Holland." Considering what we were experiencing with Sara Ashley, the story was very relevant to me and I found that it gave me a greater perspective of our circumstances. I also copied it and sent it to a young couple who was expecting a child with Down Syndrome, hoping it would help them too. It would be a few years, but in His time I would find out God's plan to use this story again, connecting the dots in my life to the lives of others and to His purposes for me.



Fast forward three years to this January. In an earlier post about a little girl named Emery Claire, I told you about spending time in a chapel with her grandmother, Sophia. We shared our experiences with our children, our fears and struggles, but also our joys and triumphs. And she told me about this precious little granddaughter of hers who is bringing such joy to their lives. I was also prompted to share with her the story I had read three years before, "Welcome to Holland." At the time, I simply felt that I was sharing out of my knowledge. I would soon find out that I was sharing from a prompting by the Holy Spirit. Although I didn't realize that this story was written by a mother of a Ds child at that time, I knew that it would help Sophia as it had helped me. 

After the weekend retreat, she went home and found that she already had the book "Chicken Soup for the Mother's Soul" in her home library. She read "Welcome to Holland" and had the same reaction as I had. She went on to use the story in a speech she will give to a group of ladies on another Christian retreat.

Just a few weeks later, God began laying on my heart the desire to write a book. He assured me of the comfort it would give others, just the way He had and continues to comfort and uplift me and Sophia through things like the story, "Welcome to Holland." He opened the doors for this project, connecting dots to other parents who shared this vision. Everything was coming along grandly until one evening when I read a post by another parent of a child with life challenges. Her post caused me to question this project. I was panicked by a fear that I was trying to make other's pain and heartbreak into a pretty package with a bow on top. Was I travelling down the wrong path? Had I misread God's instructions for me?

I soulfully shared my doubts with several close friends, asking for their advice, and waited for their response. Quickly, emails began shooting back and forth.  Words of encouragement, words of love, and words challenging me to stay on my path.

"Life is about choices," one friend shared. "We all have many pains and struggles. How we look at them and respond to them makes all the difference. I want to find joy and Jesus in my sorrow and struggles ... I want to see with His eyes and become more like Him!"

From another friend, "Everything we go through makes us stronger and better if we go through it with the right attitude and with our eyes in the right place." 

And from my loving husband, "I do not believe for a moment that you are trivializing anything.  What you are writing will inspire families that are looking for hope. Search your heart for direction but listen only for God's promptings."

Then I received a message that gave me the greatest clarity possible, sending chills down my spine. Remarkably, God had connected the dots from three years earlier all the way to that very confusing night. In my doubt and distress, He confirmed for me His blessing on my journey:

"Ever read this before?" my friend asked. You guessed it, the attachment was "Welcome to Holland." Thank you Jesus!

"Welcome to Holland"

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.



A Life Perspective

The past few weeks have brought the busyness of the Spring season. My interior design work had a surge with three deadlines culminating the same week and, of course, the end of the school year activities are in full swing! I relish this time of year because of the changing season, blue, sunny skies and the chance to watch the kids celebrate their school year successes. However, I must admit that I have had little time to write and I feel a bit disconnected from the book and stories that God has shared with me through so many wonderful parents and others who work with and love children experiencing life challenges. As the school year comes to an end, I hope to be able to remain focused and make more progress with my writing and sharing with others. The last few months have shown me the importance of continuing this journey. God is asking, He's got a plan, and I am determined to stay focused on His assigned task. When I am immersed in this "work" I experience so much JOY...why would I want to leave that undone?

As you have probably noticed, my posts about kids who face life challenges have all come from a parent's perspective. Most of the kids I have written about are still under the age of 13 and are either not fully aware of their differences or are not yet able to fully reflect on how their challenges affect their lives. However, today I want to share with you a post from a precious young woman. In her own words she shares how dyslexia has affected her life. Her story is honest and raw and you will be touched as she shares the pain and joy she has experienced.

Rachel is 22 years old now but I have known her from the time she was born. She is the daughter of David, our Minister of Music and JoAn, one of the Associate Pastors at my church. Watching Rachel grow up, I saw a shy and quiet girl who participated in the music programs at the church. What I didn't know was the struggles she was going through and the battles she was fighting. After reading her story, it is helping me as a parent and I am humbled by her determination and faith walk. God has and continues to help her through her challenges; a constant and loving source of hope and courage for her. I am thankful for her faithfulness to Him and her ability to be grateful through her circumstances. Currently, Rachel is working as an intern for Rick Bonfim Ministries. Her work for RBM includes designing/updating their website (www.latterain.com), travelling to Brazil to Rick's Mission in Niteroi, and doing whatever else they ask of her.



Here is her story:

My name is Rachel Kinrade and I am 22 years old. I was diagnosed with Dyslexia when I was in Elementary school in second grade. It has definitely not been the easiest road, but with the help of God and my family I have learned to move on and get passed the diagnosis. (And live with it you can say) I can say now that it was quite a struggle! I attended public school from elementary school all the way through high school. I was in special education classes from second grade through fourth grade. When I got through fourth grade the teachers decided to take me out of special eduation, so I could be a “normal” fifth grader to get me ready for middle school.

From a very young age I struggled with school. I never was a good test taker, I didn’t have any friends, I was always the shy or quiet girl who would never say a word in school. And by a word, I mean a word! I would NEVER say anything in school, I was very very shy. The teachers noticed that I didn’t do well on test at all and that I was struggling and not comprehending a lot of material. My mom was a elementary school music teacher at the time and that’s when they decided for me to get tested for some type of learning disability. I went through a series of long and hard test, kind of like a standardize test if you will. I remember that day very well and everything about it. It was definitely traumatizing as a 7 year old. I was a very mature kid I did very well in school and just didn’t do well on test. I was too young to know what was going on, but now looking back at it having dyslexia and being defined as a child with a learning disability really hurt me growing up. Not being in an environment that understood was hard. I grew up holding back and keeping a lot of my feelings and even emotions inside. I didn’t ever express myself. I ended up not knowing how to act around other kids, because I wasn’t around them in the classroom. Felt very alone growing up and like I had no friends. I was so confused. Of course now looking back I see how much I have grown so much in this process, as a person and how it has helped me become who I am today.

I had many accomplishments throughout middle and high school. I learned how to cope with my dyslexia. My mom would talk to each of my teachers every year before the term started. Some would make accommodations and some would not. Some would be the best teachers and help me and some would be very rude about it. I got used to those…But I did the best I could and would work extra hard. I would spend three to four times longer working on assignments and homework as “normal” kids. No one understood while I was getting special treatment in classes and no one seemed to understand. But did that stop me? No! When working on homework and school work I would get extremely frustrated and angry at myself. I would get mad at myself, because I would not understand my work, I wouldn’t remember how to do the math problem, or I couldn’t comprehend a story I read. I would think to myself often, “Why are you like this? Why can’t you do this work by yourself like normal kids”, Why do you always need help?”

I got all A’s and B’s all through middle and high school. And I even graduated with honors from high school in 2009. I surprised my parents the night of graduation! I found out graduation morning that I reached my goal of graduating with honors. That tells you what someone can do if they put their mind to it.

Another big mile stone for me was graduating from the Art Institute of Atlanta in December of 2011. I graduated with my Associates degree in Culinary Arts degree with concentration in baking and pastry. I could not have gotten through without my family and me walking in Faith and Trust with God on my side.

I am not saying it was easy, but I am saying it is possible. Everything is possible with God. God has been my main supporter in all of this and my learning process. I was longing for a relationship with Him from a very young age even growing up in church. I leaned on Him even if I did not know what that meant. My parents also supported me. They would spend hours with me every night working through my homework with me and helping me. They believed in me like no one else! They were the best! Kids so much lean on there parents for support and help. All the kid wants is to be “normal” and feel important. That’s what my parents did for me. They always cared for me and wanted the best for me. They wanted to help in anyway possible. I know it was tough for my mom. It was hard for her to find common ground in fighting for me, doing everything she could and then deciding when it was a good time for me to jump out on my own. But she did great! 

I currently am an intern at a Mission organization in Athens, Ga. (Rick Bonfim Ministries) I absolutely love it and know that this is my call from God on my life. He has brought me through many hard times and that has brought me closer to Him. God has definitely brought me through this hard struggle of being a child and young-adult with dyslexia. He helped me realize that I did not have to go by Rachel who has dyslexia. I was Rachel, I was my own person and I didn’t have to be identified by dyslexia. Dyslexia does not identify who I am! I pray that my words encourage you and give you hope! God bless you! I will leave you with my favorite scripture that I turn to everyday and that helped me more then ever through this whole process:

Philippians 4:13 (NIV) “I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength!”

When asked what gifts Rachel feels God has given her to help her surpass her challenges, she shares that music, faith perseverence, compassion, caring and a servant's heart are a few. Here are her thoughts:

Gifts that surpass the challenges: 

1. I would have to say Music has helped me surpass the challenges. Having music and being in band in middle and high school and choir through church helped me cope with my learning disability. Music to this day helps me express myself and who I am as a person. If I didn't have music I don't know where I would be in life! 

2. Faith: Something that I've learned over the years is to have faith! I keep having to remember that we just have to walk in Faith and Trust! But mostly having faith can help you get through any situation! Remember: You just have to have faith the size of mustard seed! 

3. Perseverance: I learned to take each second, minute, hour, day at a time. I couldn't get through without doing this. But I did worry a lot growing up. and without looking at it this way, I would have NEVER gotten through and done things that I did. 

4. I feel as if God has blessed me with many gifts, but I would say the ones that mean the most to me are compassion, caring, and servant heart. I care SO very much for other people. That is who I am and how God created me to be. 

I am immensly grateful to Rachel for sharing her story with me and all of you. It takes courage to share and be transparent. I am also thankful to learn from Rachel. Although this journey began as an opportunity for me to share our story and how I see God working in it, I am finding that God has many plans beyond that. He is teaching me so much through others, how they have responded to their situation and what He has done in their lives. I have a lot to learn and am blessed with some great people to learn from!

 

Fear

We all have it, right? In some form or another every one of us has fear. Fear of heights, fear of public speaking, fear of failure... the list could go on and on.... Fear can be a healthy thing when we use it the right way, but if we let it control us we are not living the life that God intends for us. 

Hebrews, Chapter 13 verses 5 & 6 say:
For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." So we may boldly say: "The LORD is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?" 


Sounds good in theory, right? But putting it into action is another thing altogether...

For as long as I can remember, fear has been a part of my life. In my teenage years I suffered from a bout of depression based on my fear of leaving home. I had to come back from college for a year to beat that one. Then a year into my marriage I had another round with fear. This time it was physically debilitating. Anxiety consumed me and I was unable face normal everyday activities for weeks. Thankfully, a loving family and husband helped me through that time. And after several years of cognitive therapy I really thought I had it all figured out. Feed the fear and it will starve you, starve the fear and you will live. But, in truth, I still lived in fear. I handled it much more gracefully, I didn't have panic attacks anymore and nobody else would have ever suspected it, but I still had fear.

These fears that I had would not sound irrational to most people. Fear of disappointing others, fear of not doing everything perfectly, fear that I wasn't who people thought I was, fear for my children, just plain old fear. They were ordinary, everyday kinds of fears, but they kept me from living the life God desired for me. And even though I functioned quite normally, fear was robbing me of my dreams and of the joy in which God meant for me to live.

 

Thankfully, about three years ago, God began to calm my fears. At a Christian retreat I learned about God's all-consuming love for me. I know, I know, I'd heard it a million times. But I had never fully experienced it or connected my head knowledge with my heart. And finally I did! It was at this time that I allowed God to start helping me work through my fears and I began living my life with intention.

I can't say that I'm always successful at it, but I try my best to make choices every day that are not based on avoiding the things that scare me or make me uncomfortable. After all, God uses those things to help us grow! Instead, I try to base my decisions on the most important things that God lays on my heart. And that's where this journey comes in to play.

Five years ago, I would never have had the courage to take this journey. And boy would I have missed a lot of wonderful blessings! From the people I'm meeting, to their stories of hope with their wonderful children. Fear would have prevented it all! I also recognize that my experiences with children and families who face life challenges have increased my courage. To see how they bravely face their circumstances and to see how God is faithful to their needs is an inspiration to me. This strengthens my faith in Him and with strengthening of faith, comes lessening of fear. 


Maybe God is calling you on a journey of your own. Will you answer His call? Don't let fear keep you from following Him. Remember, when you are walking with God in obedience fear goes out the window and courage and faith take its place. 
I promise that you will surely be blessed. But more importantly, you will also be a blessing!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:13



Meet Brooks!

Meet Brooks! He is an active first grader who loves to read, sing and perform. As Brooks' mom, Jennifer, tells it, "I am absolutely amazed by his zest for life! It is so fun being Brooks' Mom. It's almost like he realizes deep inside of him somewhere just how fragile life is and, therefore, relishes every minute of it."

Brooks Leebern


Brooks was born 15 weeks prematurely. Due to his early arrival, he is legally blind, has mild cerebral palsy and growth issues. But these challenges do little to slow him down. His curiosity of the world recently led him to request a telescope so that he could see the moon for the first time.

"How many of us, me included, don't stop to think about what a treasure it is just to be able to gaze at the moon on any given night? He had a joyful fit when he saw it!" Jennifer shares. "Brooks has taught me to find the beauty in all things, big or small, and to never take life for granted."



Brooks has also played a pivotal role in his Mom's relationship with Christ, illuminating her path back to Him. And with this strengthened faith, she looks to God to carry her through the struggles she encounters when Brooks faces challenges, knowing that she can lean on Him.
Although his vision is clouded with darkness, for Brooks' friends and family,  he is a shining light of God's love. And Jennifer feels strongly that God has given her family this special child with the duty of glorifying Him. She desires to share her son's story with others, including what God has done through him to change her own life and faith journey. She shares with the hope that it will help them as they face their own personal trials and darkness.   

Finding gratefulness in their situation is the key that has given their family a transformed perspective. This perspective helps them through their journey with their son. "Always look for the silver lining. Always recognize the good things that our children are and that they do. Don't focus on what they can't do," she imparts. "And always be their advocate and let them know every day that they are special and perfect in your eyes!"

Lord, thank you for Brooks. His life is a light unto Your path and a gift from You. The joy in his life, despite his trials and challenges, is Your blessing to him and his family. We praise You for him!


Read more about Brooks in "Unexpected Gifts."

Walking by Faith

I woke up this morning like most of the rest of the nation. In disbelief of what happened in Boston yesterday. How can this senseless violence continue to happen in our world? As the old saying goes, why can't we all just learn to get along?

On the way home from taking Sara Ashley to school in Fairburn I heard a song that, once again, brought me to tears. Y'all already know I have a propensity for that and I shouldn't have been surprised at my reaction, but I was. I had been holding it together quite well since I learned of yesterday's bombings. And as I watched the news this morning I maintained my detachment, trying to ward off any emotional attachment to a situation that is truly heartbreaking. Unfortunately, I find that I sometimes become calloused to this world and desensitized to the tragedy it holds. I know it's a defense mechanism and I also know that it's not one that God desires for me. After all, wasn't I the one who just a few weeks ago quoted God's message for me to allow Him to, "Break my heart for what breaks Yours?"

The song I heard finally opened my heart and the flood gates, allowing grief and anger. Gratefully it also allowed comfort. As I listened to it I was reminded of the words of a recent contributor for the book "Unexpected Gifts." When describing her daughter's condition of autism she stated that she found it a "great comfort and gift to know that He can already see the finish line" for her child. The irony of her verbiage was not lost on me and the song I heard this morning was a reminder of this important point.
From Casting Crowns, "Already There":

From where I'm standing
Lord it's so hard for me to see
Where this is going
And where You're leading me
I wish I knew how
All my fears and all my questions
Are gonna play out
In a world I can't control

When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there

From where You're standing
Lord, You see a grand design
That You imagined
When You breathed me into life
And all the chaos
Comes together in Your hands
Like a masterpiece
Of Your picture perfect plan

When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there

One day I'll stand before You
And look back on the life I've lived
I can't wait to enjoy the view
And see how all the pieces fit

One day I'll stand before You
And look back on the life I've lived
Cause You're already there
You're already there
When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there

You are already there

 

So where was God at yesterday's finish line? How can something so tragic happen in His grand plan? Although I don't know the answer to this question, I do know with certainty that this tragedy was not from Him but from the antithesis of His love, and I can most assuredly say that God was at that finish line. He could be seen in the first responders, the policemen, firemen, and military presence that were on hand for the event. The many marathon volunteers and even everyday citizens who came out to support the runners on this Patriot's Day in Boston. He was heard in the voices of the news media who reported the event, sharing their grief for the tragedy and in the posts from friends on FB and other social media sites as they shared their outrage over this evil crime. He was there showing that His loving presence overpowers an evil that can only come from the enemy and that He is our strength in times of trouble. Over the last 17 hours I have heard many talk about finding and seeing the helpers in this tragedy. He was the face of these helpers, their strength found through His Helper that he sent to empower us as Jesus rose to be with Him in heaven. His is their loving and helping hand that desires to save humanity from itself. And thankfully the number of helpers far outweigh the enemy.

So I will choose to walk by faith, even when I cannot see or understand or make sense of this senseless world. I will walk by faith and accept His comfort and love knowing that our struggles will eventually end in a victory called Christian HOPE. A life of eternal praise and worship for a God that sustains us through our trials, and who is a living presence in our lives, comforting us in our grief, leading and inspiring us to help our fellow man in Christian love.

I will walk by faith, and not fear, knowing that God is with us every step of the way.

My prayers are with every person affected by this senseless tragedy and for our nation as we continue to face evil in this world. May each one of us feel God's love, healing and strength.