Break My Heart

There is a contemporary Christian song out now that strongly resonates with me. Hearing it causes my throat to catch and my eyes to well with tears. Music has always had a way of doing that to me. And it's because God wants me that way, so that He can humble me, use me, teach me, mold me.
The line that gets me every time is, "Break my heart for what breaks Yours." If you haven't heard it, take a listen.

Casting Crowns, "Jesus Friend of Sinners"

As I was researching this song so I could write about it for this post, I found a video by lead singer Mark Hall. In it he explains his meaning behind the lyrics. The words he spoke literally blew me away as I realized how God had used the Holy Spirit to lead me to it. Please listen...

Really??? I didn't know. But God did! Spiritual gifts of adhd and dyslexia!?!? In the past I would have thought this coincidence. But not today. These kind of things keep happening to me and I can't possibly keep thinking it's all just a stroke of luck or happenstance. He is continually sending me where I need to go these days. And this leaves me in awe.

Hearing Mark's story of how God loves and uses him despite  and through the world's view of his perceived imperfections of adhd and dyslexia, of how He can take what the world considers foolish to shame the wise, and of how He chooses the weak things of the world to shame the strong, brought a resounding "YES!!" to my heart; a heart that often breaks for the children who embody these perceived "imperfections."

God's glory is ever present through our "weakness", using it to show the world that His unexpected gifts and blessings abound.

Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are weak to shame those who are strong.
1 Corinthians 1:27

Sick

Well, today is day three of poor Sara Ashley being home sick. It started Monday morning with a fever of 101 and today we are still there. She woke up this morning, burning hot, fever of 101.9. This despite the fact that I took her to the doctor on Monday afternoon to get checked for strep throat, flu or any other treatable illness. While I did leave with an antibiotic for a bacterial sinus infection, at this point I think we are looking at something viral that only time will cure.

Whenever SA gets sick, it is always a struggle to figure out what to do about her adhd meds. See, without them, her hyperactivity and impulsiveness make it difficult for her to rest. But with them, unless she is dog sick, the stimulant mediciation also makes it difficult for her to rest. Monday and Tuesday I gave them to her. She always does better with consistency in her medications- prevents rebound, breakdowns, feelings of lack of control on her part- but she did not rest at all either day. So today, I'm going to try and see how she does without them. My hope is that she'll sleep most of the day and be able to re-build the strength that her body needs to fight off this yucky sickness.

Dealing with adhd is not an easy task. Admittedly, Sara Ashley's diagnosis of adhd upset me MUCH more than her diagnosis of dyslexia. There is a stigma related to adhd in our society. It says that these kids are just undisciplined, unruly and that they have a choice about their "bad" behavior. The fact that science has proven that their brains show a physical difference from a "normal, average" brain is often overlooked because of the behavior often associated with the diagnosis. And the medication issues are just heartbreaking to me. I still struggle with giving my child a stimulant everyday. Yes, I DO realize that this medication keeps her from having a healthy appetite. Yes, I DO realize that if the dosage isn't just right she goes into zombie mode. And yes, I DO ALSO realize that if she didn't take it she would be unable to focus on her schoolwork and classroom teaching as she does now (trust me, we've tried) despite the small class setting and specialized teaching that she is receiving at her wonderful school. And I also realize that her hyperactive and impulsive behavior, though not destructive, would be socially unacceptable by many of her peers and the other adults around us.

So here we are, she's sick, I'm tired, and I am praying that God will allow her hyperactive little body to slow down and repair itself. I know that God's got my back in this and that she WILL be fine. I will find strength in Him.
I'm just tired...and a little sad. Say a prayer for my sweet girl if you get a chance.